Call me old-fashioned but when I get a card for my birthday, or Christmas, I like that card to have been printed in a factory and bought by the sender, in a shop. Why? Because homemade cards SUCK. You probably think so too but you’re too nice to say it. Or maybe you make them yourself and are deluded enough to think homemade cards are cool. They’re not, homemade cards definitely suck - and this is why:
1) They are too heavy. People create homemade cards out of “Heavy Duty” construction paper (or something), in order to give the illusion of “quality” and to make them seem less like a poor substitute for a REAL greetings card. Nobody is fooled by this. Now add the weight of various pieces of stuck-on crap and my heart can begin sinking, even before I have opened the (lumpy) envelope.
2) “Less is more”. People who make their own cards never seem to get this. I don’t want a card covered in lace, buttons, wood, glitter, foil, old ripped up wrapping paper and other bits of random recycling. I simply want a flat card, with proper printing and a proper picture, that stands up properly.
3) They are made with “time release” glue. Getting a homemade card out of the envelope, in one piece, is a bit like defusing a nail-bomb - but less rewarding. What the hell do people use to stick these things together? Spit? Of course, you can always adopt my strategy - which is to RIP the card out of the envelope, say “Oh NO! It’s broken!” and throw all the component parts straight into the rubbish bin.
4) Most people are not gifted at art. There is a reason why Hallmark employ trained graphic designers to create their cards. A quick glance, at the homemade abominations your “crafty” friends have sent you, will make that reason clear.
5) Sometimes “homemade” stretches the truth. Occasionally, people acknowledge that they fall into the category of reason #4 and decide to buy a “kit” of card-making components – which they then dutifully sit and assemble, with their “sticky until it dries” glue and an instruction sheet in front of them. WTF? That makes absolutely no sense at ALL. If someone knows they are useless at art, and they have no ideas of their own, why don’t they just buy NORMAL bloody cards and send those?
6) You can’t throw homemade cards away (without looking like a villain). Well, I can (see #3) but it is still much harder than chucking out an old “bought” card. Being given a homemade card makes it appear that somebody has put time and effort into it, just for you. Throwing away that little token of love would look like rejection and ingratitude, so you’re stuck with it forever. Even though we all know that the person who made it was probably, a) bored and wanted a hobby, and b) trying to save money.
7) The writing on homemade cards is sh*t. I want a card with decent writing. I don’t want some wonky calligraphy, done in felt pen. I don’t want a cheap “gold” Happy Birthday! that has been peeled off a backing-sheet and looks totally incongruous with the rest of the card. I don’t want the words on my card to have been cut out of a magazine “kidnapper” style. In short, I want a mass-produced card.
8) Homemade cards are not funny. I only really like funny cards and I’ve never seen a homemade card that was funny. By “funny” I mean ones that I can laugh WITH… Obviously I have been sent homemade cards that I laughed AT.
It’s not just me is it? And I haven’t even mentioned the fact that my Mum buys sh*tty little homemade cards that OTHER PEOPLE have made – and then sends them to me on my birthday. WTF is THAT about? Homemade cards truly suck.
My mum insists I make homemade cards with cartoons of whichever pet is alive at the time in some ridiculous situation on the cover. Stresses me right out trying to think of funny scenarios, I can tell you.
That said, they make her very happy, so that’s ok I suppose.
Hahaha! If she WANTS them and ASKS for them, that’s different. I like that you have to think of stuff to make them do. Hahaha!
I’m totally with you on the liking the funny cards.
I don’t want homemade cards from anyone over the age of 6. Maybe 7.
Whew, it isn’t just me then.
I don’t mind a homemade card. Even before our lovely recession, some people here give bday cards but the envelope and card are blank. They insert a sticky note with their sentiments. That way, you can reuse the card. I don’t do it b/c if I pick out a card for someone, I pick it out specifically for that person. Whatev.
I pick mine out carefully too. Not that anyone would pass on the kind of cards I buy.
=shrug= To be honest, I’m not big on cards as a whole, but I like getting the homemade cards from one friend because the the woman is a genius at making this sort of stuff. Cthulhu, people pay her $50+ per lesson to teach them how to make stuff like this.
$50?! Bloody hell, maybe I should start liking them and practice until I can teach! Mind you, what IS there to learn? Fold some heavy card in half and stick shit on it…. ;)
They do stuff w/ imprinting, embossing, ink stamps, patterned cut outs, paints, special paper folding forms, air brushing, watermarking – all sorts of stuff that’s *way over my head. She’s got an office & a half overflowing with tools, machines & pretty much anything you could possibly imagine for doing cards, scrapbooking & pretting much anything you could possibly think of. And the gear isn’t cheap either. $8 for a specialized felt pen (and something like 1000 or so in the set)… It seriously boggles the mind, but she makes enough on giving the courses every month to cover her expenses on new gear, her addiction to books, gas & groceries for the month.
Woah. I know that stuff isn’t cheap, I’ve seen it on QVC (the shopping channel). If she is clever enough to make money at it, go her. Just don’t send ME any. ;)
Fear not. I didn’t think You’d appreciate getting a card that has a note written inside addressed to Buster. ;)
I love mousie’s cards too, she is amazing. But I have seen some of the rather ratty looking home made cards that Blogmella is talking about. Not many have Mousie’s talent.
True, she is quite the talent.
I know what kind of card Blogmella’s talking about – I made a few of them, bak when I was between the ages of 6-10. ;)
I edited these comments, to protect my highly secret identity! ;)
I’ve made cards from my photos, but usually I buy a generic printed card and then put my photo on the front covering up what was originally there. I’m lazy that way. lol
Haha! Genius!
The best homemade card I’ve ever received was made by my two-year-old. It had a chocolate cake on the front, with two rows of those shaky googly eyes on it, like a hideous cake-spider mutant.
It’s on the bookshelf and I LOL at it approximately once a day, still…
OK, that is the gift that keeps on giving! :D
Homemade cards went away for awhile and then the damnable scrapbooking movement took hold here and people thought that lessons learned in this area would translate into cards. NOT.
RE your thoughts on this: I agree, I agree, I agree. There. Does saying it 3 times make homemade cards disappear?
Now here’s the trick. You can throw one away – you are not throwing the friend away – just the card. Your friend is not going to come over and hope to see it framed. If he/she asks where it is the response is, “it was so delightful that I really had to share it with someone who is not as fortunate as I to receive your homemade cards. But you can always make me another, can’t you”?
Now this last bit is what homemade card makers hate to hear. Most are a one trick pony. They make a card for you and that’s it. If you suggest that you might call upon their talents multiple times, they’ll leave you alone.
I feel awful when people give me cards they have embroidered. OMG. That takes so much work but sometimes they look like crap… How can I thow them away though?
Thanks for your thoughts anyway. ;)
You break my heart Mella. I’ve had to go the homemade route when money has been tight. I know I SUCK at art, always have, but the thought was right. I was only trying to spread some love! *cries softly and goes to throw glitter away*
Haha! Awww. Not every person you send a card to is a bitch like me. Take heart!
I agree, I think if you are older than 10 or so you should stop making cards and let the professionals take over. I do like getting them from kids cause sometimes they are just too funny (not intentionally). However, I have made a couple cards as an adult. I did an ambigram of my sister’s name and put it on the front of a birthday card for her – no glitter or buttons or anything glued to the front. She still has it displayed on her fridge a few years later, so I assume she likes it.
Ambigrams are cool. I’m allowing those.
You would have hated my high school graduation announcements. I drew a graduate with my non-dominant hand and wrote, “Thank Gawd I Gots a Publick Edukation,” in crayon. It looked like a 4-year-old designed it. I scanned that and printed it on all my cards, and then I put the normal information on the inside. It was certainly cheaper than buying the photograph invitations.
Hahahaha!
I usually make some of my Christmas cards each year. The problem I have is finding words to put inside them, other than “Merry Christmas.” I wish I could come up with an original decent message that seems sincere and/or clever. The people who receive my cards *say* that they love them, but maybe they’re just being kind.
Nah, you ARE an artist! And I wouldn’t worry, a basic message is all that’s needed.
This was funny as shit. I might have to print it out and send it to all my friends.
The only thing worse than a homemade card is one someone printed out from a website. Too lazy to make a card, too cheap to buy one, I guess I know how you feel about our friendship.
Haha! I’m glad you liked it. You’re really funny, so I respect your opinion a lot.