Tag Archives: women

Manipulative People

One thing that makes me very tired, as I grow older, is dealing with manipulative people. When I was young I bought into all their bullshit and took their feelings to heart, even as they coldly refused to consider mine. I had a habit of romanticizing people in my head, so I tended to put a positive spin on lots of negative behaviours that people displayed… Or rather I listened to the positive spin that THEY put on being cruel, or thoughtless. I’m still not immune to all the techniques that people use to get their own way but now I quite often SEEM to be getting sucked-in, whilst really I’m just monitoring the situation and deciding how long I’m going to let it go on for.

 Here are some translations of the games people play, and the things they say, when they want you to let them get away with being inconsiderate to you:

“I’m very hard to get close to… But you’re special, I trust you.” = “You’re SO lucky that you get to listen to everything I want to say. That’s quite a privilege, so don’t blow it by saying anything I don’t want to hear.”

“I’m honest, I always speak my mind, no matter what people think.” = “I’m rude, suck it up.”

“I have a lot of things to deal with right now but at least I know I have YOU to turn to.” = “Don’t tell me any of your problems, just listen to mine.”

“Sometimes I go into myself and don’t want to talk.” = “Sometimes I have something better to do than talking to you, so don’t expect me to make time for you then.”

“You’re so good to me! You got me the only presents I got this year.” = “Thanks for the presents! See how important it is that you buy me presents!”

I’m not into birthdays and Christmas, I never buy anybody anything.” = “You’re not getting any presents back.”

“You know what I’M like…” = “I’m selfish, suck it up.”

“I never think people really WANT to talk to me… So it’s better if YOU contact ME.” = “You make all the running.”

You get the idea.

Sometimes it IS nice to be warm to someone who seems sad or lonely, whatever the reason. But often the reason they are like that, is that they don’t give a flying f*ck about anyone who isn’t pandering to them… And that means YOU, if you (in the fullness of time) try to ask for a more equal relationship. I’ve “enabled” more bad and selfish behaviour in my time than most people… Mostly because I thought that if you could show someone how good it felt to be on the receiving end of some niceness, they’d automatically want to return the pleasure. When you’ve supported someone for ages, through thick and thin and then they don’t actually care when you need some TLC, it hurts BADLY.

Don’t try to melt someone else’s heart of ice and break your own heart in the process. Lay some rules on them and limit what you will do if they don’t reciprocate.

Why “Nice” Guys Don’t Get Dates

If there is one complaint about women I hear over and over, it’s that women are forever being friends with “nice” men but still choosing to sleep with “assholes”. Why on Earth aren’t we jumping into bed with the guys who listen to our problems, ask after our health and “care” about us?

“She only wants me as a friend but she dates guys who treat her badly!” exasperated men cry, “Why is she sleeping with guys who give her the run-around and want her for sex? I LISTEN to her, I UNDERSTAND her, I like her for WHO SHE IS!”.

To them it’s a mystery but to me it’s obvious. Friendship isn’t sexy.

A guy who spends hours cultivating a friendship with a girl, listening to her insecurities and differentiating himself from the rabid pack of sex-hunting monsters that he regards/portrays his fellow men as – then whines because she doesn’t want to sleep with him, is a hypocrite. But she has taken him at his word.

Sorry “Nice Guy”…you’re all after the same thing buddy but he (Nasty Guy) chose giving her something to chase and you chose listening to her problems. Bad luck, he had a better strategy because now she’s shagging him and tomorrow you’ll be hearing how “it’s lunchtime and he still hasn’t phoned”. But see, he didn’t go after HER as much as you do, he was HONEST about his wayward attitude and she LOVED it, he was exciting, a challenge and she’s thinking about how to keep him interested. You on the other hand are trapped in your little sympathy game and, in order to keep it up, you have to be available… So you aren’t going to be chased. You’re just THERE. You lose.

You say that you LISTEN to women, that you UNDERSTAND them,  but how many times have women told you that you are “TOO NICE” to date? What part of “TOO NICE” didn’t you understand? If a strategy isn’t working you have to change it, or suffer the same results over and over.

“But I AM nice!” you cry, “I DO want a girl to be close to, I don’t want to play mind-games!”. I know baby, I know… I want to get slim by eating cheese but it ain’t gonna happen. Mind-games, flirting, being hard to get, looking self-assured etc. are part of a MATING RITUAL. Once she fancies you, you can risk being friends (slowly) but at first you need to be the PRIZE. Friends are a kind of “consolation prize” and that isn’t sexy. No sex.

Oh, I know I’ll get lots of you telling me off and I know that the rules change as time passes and we all get older and wiser (or more desperate). There will be exceptions to the “rule”… Online relationships tend to develop a little differently because the sexual tension is enhanced by not being together, for instance.

But on the whole I’d say my observations are true. “Nice Guys” don’t get dates because they give their attention away for free, because they started off by being dishonest about (or not knowing) what they wanted and because they have seriously dispersed their “mystery” by sharing too much. Then along comes a silent guy with a motor-bike and a few notches on his headboard and the girls are more interested in him… After all, he’s less like another girl.

Naughty Toy Story

Years ago I wrote a post, on my old blog, about toys. It was quite a long post, bemoaning the fact that girls’ toys are mostly pink and mauve plastic “isn’t ironing FUN!” types of crap, whereas boys’ toys are mostly kickass monsters and guns. I had fun writing it but it wasn’t particularly ground-breaking… Apart from the fact that I included this one sentence:

“My best ever toy WAS a doll (my Sindy) but she spent most of her time enacting sexual positions with a small kilted soldier-boy doll, that was a souvenir from Edinburgh Castle.”

That small part of my post opened the flood gates to quite a few “shocking” revelations about how people had spent their childhood hours. It seems that Sindy, Barbie, Ken, Action Man, GI Joe etc. were all “at it like knives” as the inexplicable phrase goes. Check out these quotes, from the replies I got to my post:

“I used to work with a girl that told stories about growing up in small-town Wyoming, one of which involved repeated flattening of her sister’s Barbies’ boobs with a hammer.”

“I used to have Sindy dolls too. Me and my sister used to go visit our friend up the road make our dolls have sex with her brother’s Action Men on the Sindy bedroom and living room sets. If my mother had known what we got up to with those things ……. oh my god, she’d have keeled over in shock.”

“…my barbies spent their days much like your doll–getting it on with Ken :)”

“Barbie and GI Joe had a lot of sex in the back of her camper”

“My barbie used to have ‘relationships’ with GI Joe (mmmm…men in uniform). Of course there was a size differential back then, but they worked that out. Barbie is nothing if not…flexible.”

“I think all girls use their Sindies and Barbies to enact sexual positions.”

“I used to make Ken tied up my Barbies, and have long, depraved sexual acts. I was also very annoyed at Ken’s lack of genetalia.”

“All I got was some barbie dolls… and Michael Jackson doll. So we used have Barbies as prostitutes and MJ as customer.”

“… turning the barbie ken domesticity into a polyamorous harem where in the spirit of fairness the one ken had to service all five barbies AND skipper.”

Well… I wasn’t uniquely depraved then. In fact, my Sindy’s sexual antics were positively innocent – I mean she wasn’t even getting the soldier doll to tie her up, or give her money. Since I made that post, I’ve spoken to a quite few of my friends about what their dolls got up to and it seems that almost all of us made them act out things that, I suppose, we were curious about. It was just a natural part of growing up. I can’t help wondering what the girls of today have Barbie doing – webcamming Ken, probably.

 

How To Be Attractive To Women

These tips are about making yourself more attractive to women (if you are a man). Men are awesome but most straight men are considerably less awesome without the backing of a good woman. You need to attract a woman before you can win her over – so let’s crack on, with the tips, shall we?

1) Women don’t care what you look like. They don’t. They care how you dress and present yourself but they won’t even notice that you are short, fat, bald, skinny, lanky, wearing glasses etc… If you follow my other tips. I mean, they won’t in 90% of cases, the other 10% are shallow bitches that don’t deserve you. This is a tip because just knowing it makes you more attractive.

2) Smell nice. Unless you’ve just rescued them from a fire, or you are sweating in the gym, women prefer you to be clean. Undies are washable BTW. And so are socks.

3) Wear black. It really IS that simple. Black is sexy, badass and flattering. Everybody looks better in black. And leather. Black leather. A nice full-length black leather coat is going to make you wonder where all the girls came from. Black leather trousers, however, will make you wonder where all the men came from, so give them a miss.

4) Have an arrogant posture. Really. Head up, slight swagger, exuding your (possibly fake, it doesn’t matter) confidence from every pore. Confidence is sexy. You know now that your minor physical defects don’t matter, you smell divine, you’re dressed like Neo - frankly, we’re only up to #4 and you’re already a sex GOD. Is it hot in here?

5) Manners. Have some. Then have some more. Manners are sexy.

6) Be realistic. This is going to sound harsh but not every man can date a nymphomaniac Swedish model. The wider you throw your net, the more chance you’ll have of getting a date. Give the girls with “good personalities” a chance… At the very least they’ll be practice.

7) Get a dog. Buy, borrow or steal a dog. Chicks like dogs (especially puppies). You’ll look more approachable with a dog and more lovable by association. Oh, avoid dogs that stick their heads up women’s skirts, that isn’t going to be conducive to you doing the same later.

8) Pretend you are healthy. I know you’re not. Single guys never are. I’ve never ever read a blog entry by a single man that didn’t mention at least one of his many and varied minor ailments. When you go out, dose yourself up and forget the whining. She’ll play nurse when she’s in love with you but most women aren’t actively seeking a sick man.

9) Don’t stare at women’s tits. Very important. Don’t. It is a common mistake and horribly creepy. I know you’d love a woman to gaze longingly at your dick but trust me, it isn’t the same. Practice looking cool instead, if you ignore her “assets” she might be miffed and find excuses to shove them in your face, or rub them against your arm. Wouldn’t that be more fun than furtively mumbling replies to them as she talks?

10) Talk first. You may as well and she’ll love you for it. Ask for the time, ask if you are in the right building… Asking is good, it’s an excuse to talk and it makes you seem kinda vulnerable (despite your new found sexy coolness). Don’t use a cheesy chat-up line though. Ugh.

11) Listen. Guess what my favourite subject is? Me. I know it’s a shame but it’s true. Now that you are talking, I think you should discuss her. If she DOES ask about you, be vague, keep your mystery and be brief. Never admit to being a LARPer, for instance. If you are witty you’re probably getting laid already…  If you’re not, I’m afraid quoting huge chunks of Monty Python or The Office is not the same thing. Ask her about herself, pay attention and nod.

12) Learn to play the saxophone. That isn’t a euphemism, I really mean it. Possibly the best tip of all. Saxophones are totally sexy. If you are not musical, you might want to show her your scars instead. All men have scars and girls love scars. But stick to the accidental ones.

Buying A Gift For The Woman you Love

Are you a man? Do you want to buy a gift for the woman you love – but you lack confidence in your judgement? You’ve come to the right place. I don’t want to list the pros and cons of every possible gift on the planet, so instead here are a some pertinent questions you should ask yourself before purchasing anything for her – PLUS some suggestions for gift ideas.

Your gift idea:

Is it something she has specifically asked you to get her?  Yes? Buy it then! Only a man could come here looking for better ideas than getting the “little lady” what she bloody asked for. Anything I say about gifts from this point onward is irrelevant if she has ASKED for the thing in question.

Is it something you could/would buy for a man?  Don’t buy it for the poor girl then! She is beautiful, desirable, the Queen of your Heart… Her gift should be pretty, feminine and flirty – not a surround sound system that you probably want for yourself. If you want to get her a car though, you can do that! But make it a pink one, or something.

Is it “practical”?  Buying a practical gift for a woman you are supposed to love is a bit like slapping her on the back and suggesting she joins you in a farting contest. In other words, it’s unromantic. Calendars, cruet sets, socks, household appliances – they are all like the kiss of death to love. I married a man who bought me that kind of shit and then I ran off with someone else. See?

Is it traditionally romantic?  By this I mean, is your gift going to be chocolates, flowers, diamonds, a trip to Paris or a fabulous designer handbag? If so, buy away with confidence. Women love gifts that show everyone how much you love them. “He bought me a huge bouquet!” she will tell her friends, “He bought me diamond earrings!” – and you will be the Hero in her personal Chick Flick. Somehow “He bought me a watering can” doesn’t quite compete – even if it is a really expensive one.

Is it personally romantic?  A personally romantic gift is another wonderful idea, that she can enjoy and boast about. My current boyfriend once gave me a framed strip cartoon, that he had drawn himself, telling (in a very sweet and funny way) the story of our love. Right about now any woman reading this will know exactly WHY I ran off with him. Guys, think about your woman and what makes her sigh wistfully and gaze into your eyes. A song? A film? A place? Now buy something to do with that.

Is it connected to sex? If, however, your gift idea is connected to sex in some way (an outfit, sex toys, chocolate body paint) think again. I mean, those would be perfectly good things to buy out of the blue, or possibly for a shared Anniversary… But if you are buying a gift for her Birthday or Christmas, you really should be choosing something specifically for HER and not something that slyly gets you off as a side effect. She isn’t an idiot.

Is it unique? Gifts that are hand-made are very romantic. There are so many struggling artists out there, making beautiful things to buy, and often their wares are very affordable. Choose something pretty and wrap it in tissue and ribbons – What girl could resist? Bear in mind that nothing you can buy from a garage (gas station) forecourt falls into this category.

Does it insult her?  Strange as it may seem, men often buy women gifts that insult them! She doesn’t want clothes in the wrong size (so embarrassing to admit) and clothes that fitted perfectly would be a bit creepy (or is that just me?). She doesn’t want bath products (boring, plus, she doesn’t smell of sweat) and she doesn’t want wrinkle cream. She might like a trip to a Spa but she doesn’t want a coupon for liposuction, or gym membership.  Seriously, diamonds are a better bet.

Well, I hope all that has helped. Feel free to ask questions, or add comments… I’m always open to dialogue.