Is He Gay?

Singer Ricky Martin has recently come out of the closet and revealed that he is a homosexual – proving once again that it is almost impossible for a single woman to know whether or not she is “barking up the wrong tree”. Are you a single woman? Is the man of your dreams single too? Is there a possibility that he might be interested in you sexually – or is he a “confirmed bachelor” (gay)?

Below I have listed ten categories, with responses about your beau-to-be. Answer them as honestly as possible, add up the results (mostly a’s, b’s or c’s) and find out just how GAY or STRAIGHT he is …Now you can pursue him with your eyes open wide about his sexuality!

 His clothes:
a) Baggy.
b) Tight.
c) Very tight, with an adorable matching scarf.

His eyebrows:
a) Natural.
b) Plucked in the middle (to avoid mono-brow).
c) Totally shaped from middle to ends.

His Mum:
a) He loves her but in small doses.
b) He adores her and likes it when she phones him.
c) They do everything together – he even takes her clubbing.

His female friends are:
a) Either his exes, or his current girlfriend.
b) Pretty girls that he is trying to impress, or old friends.
c) A mixture of pretty girls and terribly ugly girls, all trying to impress HIM.

Cakes:
a) He eats them.
b) He bakes them and eats them.
c) He bakes them but he won’t eat many as they go straight to his hips.

A passing  woman’s clothes:
a) He comments to you, if they are tiny and revealing.
b) He comments to you, if they are smart, or elegant.
c) He comments to you, if they are ugly, unflattering, too small, unfashionable, cheap etc…

Dancing:
a) He only performs dances that can be done whilst holding a beer.
b) He dances quite well, if a pretty girl is dancing too.
c) He loves to dance, very flamboyantly and often with his shirt off.

Cats:
a) He finds them boring but chicks like them, don’t they?
b) He likes them in small doses.
c) He has two – called things like “Troy” and “Audrey”.

Musicals:
a) He finds them boring but chicks like them, don’t they?
b) He likes them in small doses.
c) He loves musicals and usually knows all the words – in fact he has performed in a couple.

Magazines:
a) He likes the ones with cars, guns, naked women, or all three in.
b) He likes them to be funny, or about hobbies.
c) He likes gossip, gossip, gossip. Or  magazines about men’s health/fitness.

Mostly a’s

This man is so straight it hurts. He will certainly date you and no doubt he will try to get into your undies, as soon as he thinks you are drunk enough to want him. Go ahead and make his day! Be warned though that his overt, simplistic masculinity may become boring after a while.

Mostly b’s

Sensitive and deep, secure in his own sexuality and willing to share – this man could well be the man of your dreams. More difficult to snare than Mostly a’s but a better long-term bet. Be prepared for the fact that he may be a little kinky though (being so broad-minded). Custard, dogging and handcuffs could well feature in your near future.

Mostly c’s

Probably a hairdresser, antique dealer, male nurse, or cabin crew member – this man is as gay as a really very homosexual man indeed, watching an episode of “Glee” and wearing a pink cravat. Great as a friend, wonderful fun and probably cute too but don’t hold out any romantic notions (unless you are a bloke).

Of course, some men will fall into more than one category. In that case look at the most obvious trend and follow that. Err on the side of caution, as you don’t want to find out too late that you have fallen for somebody who licks both sides of the stamp. Unless you like that idea.

 

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5 responses to “Is He Gay?

  1. Ricky Martin gay? Really?! This was an announcement that didn’t need to be made. That’s like announcing the sky is blue or the wind is blowing in Wyoming. This announcement served no purpose other than getting his name in the headlines again because I didn’t learn anything new.

    Great guidelines on your part. I must confess I’ve “dated” a few that were questionable. I’ll be sure to refer to your handy guide in the future.

  2. Another clue is his CD collection (that’s compact disc, not cross-dressing) – look particularly for Liza Minnelli and Bette Midler.

  3. Anyone who didn’t already know Ricky Martin was gay deserves this crushing disappointment. Tis punishment for stupidity.

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