Naked Gardening?

I don’t know who should be more nervous, my neighbours or me… You see, next Saturday (the 8th of May) is World Naked Gardening Day. Wow.

Personally, I can’t think of a worse way to spend a day than gardening naked. In fact, just gardening would be a pretty crap way to spend a day, in my book. But why on Earth would I garden naked? Even fully clothed I always emerge from a spot of gardening covered in scratches, insect bites and gardening related injuries. And splinters. Not to mention sunburn. Also, because my garden is a little wild, I often have to use electrical tools, with sharp bits that whirl, slice and thrash about at great speed… Why would I want to use them in the nude? Everything about gardening naked is dangerous. What will they think of next? “World Welding Naked Day”, or “World Beekeeping Naked Day”? No thanks.

In addition to the danger of naked gardening, there is also the loss of dignity. Maybe I’m doing it wrong but it seems to me that gardening requires a lot of bending over, for a start. I don’t want the view from my neighbours’ gazebo to be the same one my gynaecologist sees, when I drop by for a check up. Also, if my neighbours are going to catch a glimpse of my breasts, I’d like to be sitting up, preferably with my hands behind my head. I don’t want them to see my boobs hanging down and swinging in front of my face, as I tidy my borders. Ugh.

Lastly, I’d like to point out that gardening is a hobby mostly enjoyed by the elderly. I swear, if the idea of World Naked Gardening Day catches on, I’m staying indoors next Saturday. I’m not risking a trip to the shops, if I’m likely to pass naked old retired couples, pottering about on their front lawns, looking like… Well, you know what they’re going to look like. That reminds me, I need to do the ironing when I’ve finished writing this.

I’m all for communing with nature, hugging dolphins, hiking through Tibet and all that hippie stuff… But gardening with no clothes on is just wrong. If my neighbours are reading this – you can relax now. Please say that I can too…

(A big shout out here to http://barryknell.wordpress.com/ , who wrote about this before I did).

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32 responses to “Naked Gardening?

  1. I once participated in world fry bacon naked day…it did not go well. Also, why do I need gardening as an excuse to be naked? Why can’t we just have a world kick back, relax and drink margaritas naked day?

  2. Hah! See! You can’t help yourself can you? One look at a site that mentions nudity and gardening and already it’s got you-a-thinkin’. To be fair I like to see a nice garden, better still if it’s my garden that looks nice and best of all if it’s my garden that someone else has made look nice. World Naked Gardening Day will see me doing a token scrape around with a garden tool of some description just to say that I made the effort. But, as an avowed naturist and someone who does most things without clothes, I’m with Rob on this one and feel that nudity should be fun and so I agree about kicking back, relaxing and drinking naked. Hmm, maybe I should write about that.

  3. You must at least partially disrobe when you trim your bush, right?

    I know. I’m so dumb.

  4. I’m not for nudity at all. I’ve seen neighbours accidently nude and on purpose nude and I’ve seen neighbours having sex. All were craptastic and made me want to barf. Everybody needs to keep their clothes on and their curtains drawn.

  5. I never heard of Naked Gardening Day before today, and it sounds terrible! What about Change the Oil in your Car Naked Day? Naked Chainsaw Juggling Day? Re-Shingle the Roof Naked Day?

  6. Whose insane idea was this? LOL No way in hell would I ever even consider gardening in the nude! Good grief, there are spiders out there! Who knows where they’d run to and hide if I was nude gardening?!

    Besides, nobody wants to see that. :)

  7. I don’t like gardening the best of times, but while working naked with thorny brush and mosquitoes certainly wouldn’t endear it to me.

  8. Naked gardening??? I got TWO words.
    ROSEBUSH
    THORNS

  9. I’ve never laughed so hard as I just did. Not only is the post and comments hilarious, but the picture it conjures of naked elderly people gardening in the buff had me rolling on the floor.

    p.s. I love gardening and farming and whatnot. But I won’t ever do it nude. :)

    • Glad to hear it, gardening is a hobby best done clothed!

      I’m very lucky that so many funny, kind and intelligent people comment on my posts.

  10. I actually don’t do much gardening, but if I did I’d be sure to do it with the proper equipment, which includes the proper attire. But I do think that there is the deeper issue of our having forgotten that clothing is a tool as well.

    We invented clothing as a way to protect us from our environment, but have since allowed it to become a part of our lives in a way that, under certain circumstances, seems a bit unhealthy. I think the fact that we have become so ashamed of our natural form says something unfortunate about where we are as a species.

    • I’m not sure that we cover up as a species but lots of cultures within our species do.

      I’m not against full or partial nudity – I’ve been on beaches in the South of France, where people (including myself) have been topless and some people have been naked. But on the beach people arrange themselves with a little elegance, or run into the waves and swim free. That is better than bending down in the mud and tugging up weeds, with everything folded, or swinging. Heh.

  11. On the face of it, I don’t have a huge problem with naked gardening – but I do think there needs to be some regulatory controls put into place, such as a screening process including a mandatory physical, before one can be issued a naked gardening certification card.

    And, sorry, guys, I’m afraid 99.9% of males will be totally uncertifiable, even with a physician’s note. I just don’t want to see two ‘taters in a laundry bag swaying in the breeze at harvest time…

  12. I just spit my drink out reading your post. Luckily it missed everything electrical. Great post!

  13. Pingback: World Naked Bike Ride? « Blogmella's Handbag Of Wisdom

  14. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I have been known to do a bit of weeding while sunbathing nude in my (very private!) back garden…..
    I get a bit bored just laying there, you can only get so much revision done (I was studying for my degree last summer) & seeing the weeds just made me think”why not carry on sunbathing while weeding”.

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