I Can’t Tell Them Apart

Over recent years,  I have developed a rare (and tragic) mental illness, that has crippled my ability to tell famous people apart. I now know that this illness is “Late Onset Celebrifusion” – a condition I have probably inherited from my Mother, who is a fellow sufferer.

Sufferers from LOC , as we at LOCAL (the Late Onset Celebrifusion Awareness League) call it, are likely to be female and will probably be over 50. There is no known cure.

Symptoms include: Saying things like  “Isn’t that the same guy who was in that film we saw last night?” and being wrong. Or maybe saying “I know HIM, he’s married to Jennifer Anniston!” and being wrong. Or, “I know HER, she’s the one who limps in ER!” and of course, she isn’t. The trouble with LOC is that even when the sufferer is TOLD that she (or sometimes he) is wrong, they still have terrible difficulty in accepting the truth. Sometimes convincing them is impossible.

People who have LOC desperately need your tolerance and understanding. And don’t forget the tireless work of the brave carers and volunteers – who sit through films and TV shows, listening to LOC sufferers and NOT JUDGING them.

I found out I had LOC after my boyfriend had spent several days frantically trying to explain to me that Owen Wilson was not the same person as Jeff Daniels. I was so confused by this first LOC attack that I still suffer from flashbacks and delusions that there used to be a film called “Starsky and Dumber”.

Please spread the word about this cruel affliction. Raise awareness, raise money for research, volunteer to watch films with people who have LOC. We need your help.

(If you suspect anyone you know may have LOC, please contact me through this post, or look for a local branch of LOCAL , in your phone book ).


16 responses to “I Can’t Tell Them Apart

  1. I can’t tell a lot of the younger guy stars apart, but for some reason I can pick out each and every young blond or red headed young starlet.

    Funny how that works.

  2. My wife, like you, suffers from this debilitating condition and I have found myself acting as her carer. This means that when she is watching the telly I can never be too far from an internet connection with the Internet Movie DataBase (IMDB) loaded and ready to go. People like me provide an important support network and deserve medals.

  3. Lol. I play pub trivia once a week and I find that more people than you’d think are afflicted with this disability during the picture round. It’s when the trivia MC pastes b&w pics of famous people onto an 8×11 piece of paper and we’re supposed to know who each face is. Each pic is about an inch and a half by an inch and a half.

    “That’s Jeff Bridges. No! It’s Kris Kristofferson! Who the hell is Kris Kristofferson?” Is an example from last night’s bout. :)

  4. Once again, I’m comforted by knowing I’m not alone – and I appreciate this support group. “Hi, I’m Roxy, and I have LOC.”

    I thought I was in remission, but now the disease has come back with a vengeance: not only did I not know that the fat girl in “Shallow Hal” is the same actress as played the skinny girl, my affliction has progressed to the point of being unable to identify music performers or even one other song they sang. The Elvis Costello/Elvis Presley conundrum is a classic example – I don’t live in a vacuum; I’m aware one of them is married to Diana Krall and one is dead, but I’ll be damned if I know for sure which is which. Oh – and one of them looks like Buddy Holly.

    My head is on the verge of exploding…

    • “the fat girl in “Shallow Hal” is the same actress as played the skinny girl”

      That doesn’t help either, does it? Films who do that should be sued, for mental cruelty.

  5. Hey, sometimes people look like other people and it isn’t people’s fault that they confuse people.


    I mean just look at these two.

  6. I already have these symptoms! I also can’t remember names, so it makes it even worse for me.

  7. The film should have been titled “Starsky and Dumber”. Owen Wilson has the deformed nose and plays the same character in every movie.

    I can’t keep up with all the reality tv “celebrities”. It used to be that you had to have some measure of talent to be on television or in movies, but that isn’t the case any more.

  8. It’s easier once you realize they all have the same name – “That guy!” Then just pretend you can’t recall anything other than that his face is familiar and someone else will jump in to provide you all the necessary details and all you have to do is agree with them, and look like a genius. :)

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