Naughty Toy Story

Years ago I wrote a post, on my old blog, about toys. It was quite a long post, bemoaning the fact that girls’ toys are mostly pink and mauve plastic “isn’t ironing FUN!” types of crap, whereas boys’ toys are mostly kickass monsters and guns. I had fun writing it but it wasn’t particularly ground-breaking… Apart from the fact that I included this one sentence:

“My best ever toy WAS a doll (my Sindy) but she spent most of her time enacting sexual positions with a small kilted soldier-boy doll, that was a souvenir from Edinburgh Castle.”

That small part of my post opened the flood gates to quite a few “shocking” revelations about how people had spent their childhood hours. It seems that Sindy, Barbie, Ken, Action Man, GI Joe etc. were all “at it like knives” as the inexplicable phrase goes. Check out these quotes, from the replies I got to my post:

“I used to work with a girl that told stories about growing up in small-town Wyoming, one of which involved repeated flattening of her sister’s Barbies’ boobs with a hammer.”

“I used to have Sindy dolls too. Me and my sister used to go visit our friend up the road make our dolls have sex with her brother’s Action Men on the Sindy bedroom and living room sets. If my mother had known what we got up to with those things ……. oh my god, she’d have keeled over in shock.”

“…my barbies spent their days much like your doll–getting it on with Ken :)”

“Barbie and GI Joe had a lot of sex in the back of her camper”

“My barbie used to have ‘relationships’ with GI Joe (mmmm…men in uniform). Of course there was a size differential back then, but they worked that out. Barbie is nothing if not…flexible.”

“I think all girls use their Sindies and Barbies to enact sexual positions.”

“I used to make Ken tied up my Barbies, and have long, depraved sexual acts. I was also very annoyed at Ken’s lack of genetalia.”

“All I got was some barbie dolls… and Michael Jackson doll. So we used have Barbies as prostitutes and MJ as customer.”

“… turning the barbie ken domesticity into a polyamorous harem where in the spirit of fairness the one ken had to service all five barbies AND skipper.”

Well… I wasn’t uniquely depraved then. In fact, my Sindy’s sexual antics were positively innocent – I mean she wasn’t even getting the soldier doll to tie her up, or give her money. Since I made that post, I’ve spoken to a quite few of my friends about what their dolls got up to and it seems that almost all of us made them act out things that, I suppose, we were curious about. It was just a natural part of growing up. I can’t help wondering what the girls of today have Barbie doing – webcamming Ken, probably.



17 responses to “Naughty Toy Story

  1. hahaha, u bad bad bad girls…

  2. I remember being disappointed at Ken’s anatomy too. I was like, come on! However, I’m sure I would have been shocked if he’d had a penis. :p

    I think it’s perfectly natural to have pretend doll sex when you’re younger. It’s just curiosity really, since at that age (6-9) you don’t really know what’s going on anyway.

  3. I never liked dolls. I remember my mother making a big issue out of buying me my first Barbie. I stuffed her in a box and never saw her again.

    • You stuffed her in a box, because she bought you a Barbie?!

      Sorry, that was terrible. Anyway, I spent FAR more time playing football (soccer) than playing dolls. :)

      • Oh, I wish I had stuffed her (my mother) in a box. My life would have been a lot less stressful. I did say she made a big issue out of buying the Barbie, right?

  4. I’m sure I did dirty things with my Barbies too, but for the life of me I can’t remember. Either I was really naughty, or really lame, and my brain is traumatized by both choices.

  5. roadtofitness

    We definitely made our Barbies and Kens have sex. I think I remember being a bit disappointed with the fact that Barbie’s legs didn’t open into splits the other way, so positions up against the kitchen/bathroom mirror etc had to be done doggy style.

  6. My paper dolls had sex all the time. I don’t think Ken’s package contained the correct equipment; he was a enuch so Barbie ran away with Midge.

  7. I wasn’t really all that fond of Barbie, but I loved her stuff, so mostly, she and Ken were off doing whatever (probably some hot genitalia-less sex) while various Lego men and Smurfs and so on hung out in her house and took joyrides in her car.

  8. Here in the states, where we’re still a little homophobic and gender conscious, boys couldn’t play with dolls. That’s why the propaganda geniuses at Kenner Toys coined the term “Action Figures.” I had all the Star Wars Action Figures as a child and didn’t really notice that the figures were mostly men until the day after I learned about sex. It seems the only female action figure was Princess Leah and let me tell you – that whore got around.

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