How To Survive Being Dumped

Being dumped, by somebody you love, is one of the worst feelings in the world. How can you rebuild your life and your self-esteem, after this horrible blow? Fear not, because I have listed below a few positive steps you can take, to help mend your broken heart:

1) Remember the Bad Times. There must have been SOME bad times, like when you had that argument over the price of cat-litter, or when you tried to build an Ikea bedside cabinet together and it ended up being thrown against the wall. You can enjoy fond memories later, when you are mended… Right now you have to concentrate on the uncomfortable, unhappy mess you were often in. And don’t mull over who was to blame either, this isn’t about justice or making amends. This is about remembering their contorted, angry face, or the smell of their drunken vomit, or their rude remarks to your friends. Or just the simple coldness of feeling like they weren’t cuddling you BACK. Re-live the horror of the Bad Times… Spend at least five minutes really LIVING the feelings again, every time you feel that yearning emptiness. Then tell yourself that at least you’ll never have to do THAT again. Not with them anyway. What a relief.

2) Dwell on Your Ex’s Bad Habits. Nobody is perfect, least of all the miserable piece of shit that just dumped you. No longer will you have to endure them nose-picking, throat-clearing, farting, complaining, leaving the lid off the toothpaste, leaving the toilet seat up, blocking the drain with hair – you know the sort of thing. You’re free of the irritations of having them around. Don’t picture your Ex gazing across a candle-lit meal at you… Picture them scratching their ass and looking for the car keys.

3) Avoid Drink and Drugs. Dulling your senses to the pain of separation is a bad idea. Drink eventually makes you maudlin; you’ll become a “victim” in your own eyes. You’ll end up afraid to lose your prop, like you were afraid to lose your lover –  and you’ll prolong the agony too. Do your broken heart “cold-turkey”, face it head on and keep a clear head, because you have to think of the future. You have to see what you just got rid of and enjoy the feeling of your new freedom. Popping pills and gazing at the bottom of another empty glass won’t mend your heart.

4) Do Something to Change Your Life in a Positive Way. Get a new hairstyle, join a club or class, arrange weekends away at friends houses, lose weight, flirt with someone online. FORCE yourself to participate in life. And look GOOD too, nice clothes, clean hair, polished shoes. However crumpled you feel inside, you need to give your ego something to live up to. And should you accidentally bump into your Ex it will be a much better feeling for you if they look like they lost a “hottie”.

5) Refuse to Feed Your Fears. “You’ll never find anyone else” they say, “You’re ugly and fat… Loser”. Don’t listen. People DO find someone else – there are plenty of people out there who can love us, whoever we are. The idea that we all have ONE special person is a wicked and cruel lie. As long as we are prepared to embrace people and be open to connection, there is no reason that we cannot find love again. You feed your fears by saying them aloud “I’ll never find anyone else,” to friends etc… Don’t. If you want someone else you’d be better off saying “know anyone single I can ask out?”. Having said that, don’t rush into another serious relationship, get some space first.

6) Get Rid of Your Ex’s Stuff Quickly. Give it back as soon as possible and get your stuff back too. “Stuff” keeps you connected and you don’t want a connection to someone dumb enough to dump you. If s/he won’t collect it quickly, sell it. And remember all those photos where you look like shit but your Ex looks great? You can tear them up now.

7) Buy a Vibrator Or a Pile of Porn. You’ve got more idea how to make yourself orgasm than your Ex did anyway.

Just in case you ask; You MIGHT be able to be friends with your Ex at some point in the future but you have to stop loving them too much first.

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21 responses to “How To Survive Being Dumped

  1. I agree with the end. You CANNOT be friends right away without a lot of pain and heartache. No matter how close you were and how amicable the breakup was, it just doesn’t work.
    http://www.denwrites.com

  2. A great essay…

    From personal experience, I would also add that spray painting the phrase “Manwhore” on the side of their car offers only temporary comfort.

  3. This is so funny, because I just started doing these things yesterday. I actually hate this other person now, and I tell myself every day how much of an arsehole he is. I was speaking with him yesterday and he did something really shitty and it pissed me off.

    I figure somewhere down the road we can reconnect, but right now I can’t stand him. :)

  4. I never consider being friends with an ex. If he was stupid enough to get rid of me, he’s too dumb to be my friend. Well, that and I do a lot of passive/aggressive shit that makes him not want to be my friend.

    This was so great I’m giving it to my son to read. He’s going through a bad break-up with the “I’ll never find anyone else” misery. As my daughter puts it, “She’s just a girl. There are lots of those.”

  5. Thanks for this.
    I just broke up last week, and am feeling many of the feelings you describe in a “Don’t waste time thinking like this” way …
    I’m already doing some of the things you suggest – the avoiding drink, losing weight, looking good & finding new interests things … but the other stuff is really useful, and I feel a lot better already!!
    :-)

    • Oh yeah, I read your post actually! You really know how to pick ’em. ;)

      I’m glad that I might have helped a bit.

      • LMAO!
        Well, the good times were really good … but I’m obviously trying to focus on the bad times now!!
        The bizarre thing is that I wasn’t sufficiently committed in the previous two relationships, so I really put everything into this one … and seems like I over-did it the other way, to the point where it seemed like I was too committed, and they weren’t ready for that level of commitment …
        Oh well … another one chalked up to experience!!

  6. It sounds very much like a book I read in my teens called, “How to fall out of love.” Think bad thoughts is always great advice about an ex!

    Can you believe when my ex and I split up, he actually had the gall to say to me, “Now that we’re divorcing, we can be friends.”

    I looked at him and I think my eyes must have crossed. I said, “What the f*ck makes you think I’d want to be friends with you after our divorce, when you didn’t think I was good enough to be friends with when I was your f*cking wife?”

    Like YellowCat, I don’t do the friend thing either. It’s part of my whole “I don’t do sequels” thing. If I broke up with them once, I’ll only break up with them again, because leopards generally don’t change their spots unless they’ve had some kind of earth shattering spiritual life changing event happen to them.

  7. Good solid advice. I’ve had eight years now to survive and these have worked for me too.

    • Thanks, I’m glad you approve. It isn’t easy to know whether I’m only talking about tjings that would work for me…

      (I deleted my comment from your blog, because hopefully people will click on your name and be able to read your entries – but without seeing my LJ identity. I’m s bit paranoid but there ya go.)

  8. I think it’s really important to buy a vibrator AND a pile of porn. They definitely go hand in hand… so to speak.

  9. Hi everyone. My boyfriend has just dumped me for the last time.. the last time I will stick around anyways. He is such a selfish person, and I have hoped that he would change and gave him the benefit of the doubt, but now I know he really doesn’t care. I am a giver, 100% and he is a life-sucker. Yep, will take and take.. never to look back in return! I want kids and marriage, like most girls want out of life.. and he doesn’t. We are in our mid 20’s now, and not getting any younger.. he can sit around and turn 30.. 40.. 50 and then maybe when he is all alone, and no one is here to wipe his ass, he will realize. Maybe not either. I sure as hell am not going to be here to see about it. I need to move on, it’s going to hurt but I will definitley think about all of the “bads” in this relationship.. and how after 2 and a half years, I don’t even have a promise ring or much to show for my hard work! Good luck ladies, don’t take any crap. Just remember, that it can always be better!

    • hai Suzzy the same i m survive now i just want to kill my selft but i do’t…hw is your life now plz let me know what should i do for a better life…

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