Being dumped, by somebody you love, is one of the worst feelings in the world. How can you rebuild your life and your self-esteem, after this horrible blow? Fear not, because I have listed below a few positive steps you can take, to help mend your broken heart:
1) Remember the Bad Times. There must have been SOME bad times, like when you had that argument over the price of cat-litter, or when you tried to build an Ikea bedside cabinet together and it ended up being thrown against the wall. You can enjoy fond memories later, when you are mended… Right now you have to concentrate on the uncomfortable, unhappy mess you were often in. And don’t mull over who was to blame either, this isn’t about justice or making amends. This is about remembering their contorted, angry face, or the smell of their drunken vomit, or their rude remarks to your friends. Or just the simple coldness of feeling like they weren’t cuddling you BACK. Re-live the horror of the Bad Times… Spend at least five minutes really LIVING the feelings again, every time you feel that yearning emptiness. Then tell yourself that at least you’ll never have to do THAT again. Not with them anyway. What a relief.
2) Dwell on Your Ex’s Bad Habits. Nobody is perfect, least of all the miserable piece of shit that just dumped you. No longer will you have to endure them nose-picking, throat-clearing, farting, complaining, leaving the lid off the toothpaste, leaving the toilet seat up, blocking the drain with hair – you know the sort of thing. You’re free of the irritations of having them around. Don’t picture your Ex gazing across a candle-lit meal at you… Picture them scratching their ass and looking for the car keys.
3) Avoid Drink and Drugs. Dulling your senses to the pain of separation is a bad idea. Drink eventually makes you maudlin; you’ll become a “victim” in your own eyes. You’ll end up afraid to lose your prop, like you were afraid to lose your lover – and you’ll prolong the agony too. Do your broken heart “cold-turkey”, face it head on and keep a clear head, because you have to think of the future. You have to see what you just got rid of and enjoy the feeling of your new freedom. Popping pills and gazing at the bottom of another empty glass won’t mend your heart.
4) Do Something to Change Your Life in a Positive Way. Get a new hairstyle, join a club or class, arrange weekends away at friends houses, lose weight, flirt with someone online. FORCE yourself to participate in life. And look GOOD too, nice clothes, clean hair, polished shoes. However crumpled you feel inside, you need to give your ego something to live up to. And should you accidentally bump into your Ex it will be a much better feeling for you if they look like they lost a “hottie”.
5) Refuse to Feed Your Fears. “You’ll never find anyone else” they say, “You’re ugly and fat… Loser”. Don’t listen. People DO find someone else – there are plenty of people out there who can love us, whoever we are. The idea that we all have ONE special person is a wicked and cruel lie. As long as we are prepared to embrace people and be open to connection, there is no reason that we cannot find love again. You feed your fears by saying them aloud “I’ll never find anyone else,” to friends etc… Don’t. If you want someone else you’d be better off saying “know anyone single I can ask out?”. Having said that, don’t rush into another serious relationship, get some space first.
6) Get Rid of Your Ex’s Stuff Quickly. Give it back as soon as possible and get your stuff back too. “Stuff” keeps you connected and you don’t want a connection to someone dumb enough to dump you. If s/he won’t collect it quickly, sell it. And remember all those photos where you look like shit but your Ex looks great? You can tear them up now.
7) Buy a Vibrator Or a Pile of Porn. You’ve got more idea how to make yourself orgasm than your Ex did anyway.
Just in case you ask; You MIGHT be able to be friends with your Ex at some point in the future but you have to stop loving them too much first.