Porn Aimed At Heterosexual Men

As you might have guessed, I’m reasonably broad-minded about porn. As long as the subjects are adult, human and not being coerced, I don’t have a problem with it. In fact, you boys will be relieved to know that I’m giving you permission, here and now, to look at as much porn as you like. But I have a request… Please can you campaign to change the names of the pictures?
See, you’re all very quick to tell us ladies that you like to see “real” looking women in porn, that you like natural boobs, that you find bigger girls sexy, that you’re turned on by older women etc (aren’t you NICE?) but then you go and use websites that label their pictures in, well frankly, rather disrespectful ways. I mean, these ways aren’t just insulting to the women involved, they say something about YOU too… I would especially question the decision to click on links that say things like the examples I’ve listed below :

Ugly, drunk, older woman, who is crazy for cock. I actually saw hundreds of pictures called things like that. A friend explained that “Men like to see women they feel they could actually HAVE”. Oooh Kaaay, but if you crave to see a woman like that naked, why not just go to a bar?… You’ll be fighting them off. You’ll have a real live woman and she’ll have some cock! Everyone will be happy. If you MUST look at her on the internet, why not ask the site to call her “unconventionally attractive, mature, party girl, who enjoys sex”? Doesn’t that sound nicer? I still don’t understand why you’d click, to look at someone you’ve been warned is “ugly”. Hell, I caught the bus this morning and practically everyone on there was ugly. Granted though, most of them were not manipulating their genitals (as far as I could see).

Stupid, drunk, fat slut, on sofa. See, this to me sounds like a nightmare end to an evening. How are you going to get rid of her? Will she take the hint if you call a taxi? I know if you’re a lonely guy, this might be an opportunity for sex but is it really the basis for a FANTASY? I mean you want to masturbate about having sex with someone STUPID, as well as drunk? Please, for your own sakes, aim higher (not like that, I mean have higher aspirations). As for the girl…Why not just say “Voluptuous, and willing girl, on sofa”?

Granny sucks like a Teen.  As far as I remember, we don’t have to teach our Grandmothers how to suck anything, so why would we want them to “Suck like a teen”? Wouldn’t that be a less reliable suck? Plus, Grannies can often take their teeth out, which must be a bonus. Surely it would be more exciting to have a Granny who sucked in a way appropriate to her age. Or a teen who sucked like a granny.

Blonde Granny Cockslap. Since I’m old enough to have grandchildren myself (and my boyfriend is 22 years my junior), I’m not going to argue that older women can’t be sexy… But why can’t they just say “mature”? Is it really that IMPORTANT that she has grandchildren? And WTF does “cockslap” mean? Have I missed this aspect of cocks? Finally, I can’t help thinking that “Blonde Granny Cockslap” was someone who Rupert The Bear visited once, I’m sure she had a house in Nutwood, next-door to Bill The Badger.

Blah, blah blah (cut for taste), whore with big saggy boobs. You want her to be a whore (the oldest profession in the World), you want her to have big boobs… But really, do these sites have to label them “saggy”? How rude is that? She’s doing her best! If you don’t want them fake and you DO want them big, at least have the manners to accept where they’ve landed and to patronize sites that do the same.

Perhaps I’m being a little too girlie about this but if women are going to be generous enough to share their most glorious assets with you and to display them on various items of furniture (mostly sofas) for your delight – I really think it would be nicer if we didn’t call them horrid things. What do you think?

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21 responses to “Porn Aimed At Heterosexual Men

  1. I would also like to add that I’d like people to start using sane names in porn communities.

    I go to cuckold and cheating wife/girlfriend communities on a regular basis and the sheer number of racist and stupid names people come up with is a MAJOR turn off.

    If your name is “want_2_fuck_mandingo_cock” or “coke_hore_4_niggas” you are an idiot.

    I was on one site today where a member actually named himself “tiny_jew_penis.”

    WTF???

  2. whatigotsofar

    Whoring is not the oldest profession. Something had to predate whoring in order to provide payment to the whore.
    For example, if cave whores were paid with animal pelts, then there must have been hunters before whores.

  3. Ok, you have made my day. Laughing out loud with tears running down my cheeks. Granny sucks like a teen … have got to go get some tissue, you FUNNY woman!

  4. Liddle-Oldman

    You have, in one short essay, absolutely validated my position of not looking at pornography on the ‘net. Which is to say, in the language of the same ‘net, WTF?

    On the other hand, much of male sexuality and most of het porn is about putting women in positions of powerlessness so that inadequate men can have the illusion of having personal power, so insulting the poor models as well as putting them in vulnerable and degraded positions makes a certain amount of sense.

    Liddle-Oldman

  5. Like izziedarling, you have just made my day. That was hilarious! If somewhere there existed a place where porno-fantasy addicted guys went to be “cured” of their addiction, I could see these links being used to demonstrate what guys who are so out of touch with reality will ACTUALLY end up with if they don’t get their acts together! :lol:

  6. I totally agree. I mean, I don’t think men would appreciate a site called, “tiny and soft, wrinkly old willy,” would they? Or, “find the teeny peeny under the belly flab!”

    I’m with you on the kindness of the positive spin. We all appreciate a little boost to our ego now and then. :)

  7. Holy crap! This is the funniest post I’ve read in a long time.

    A while back I commented on my facebook page that my kids kept turning the heat up and I was going to start walking around nude. A friend suggested I post pictures since there is a need for natural, older, naked women on the internet. He obviously surfs for porn using your search words.

    • Yeah, he sounds like a potential fan of such things. Bless him. Although you can punch him for saying “older”.

      Glad you thought it was a laugh, I certainly had fun writing it (and researching it). ;)

  8. I 100% agree! :)

  9. “‘Blonde Granny Cockslap’ was someone who Rupert The Bear visited once, I’m sure she had a house in Nutwood, next-door to Bill The Badger.”
    I’m surprised that my keyboard still works cause I just spewed water all over it! Thank you for this!

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