1) Moronic royal reject Sarah Ferguson has been trying to sell access to her Ex (Prince Andrew) for £500,000. Sadly for her, she was dealing with an undercover journalist, who filmed her. Poor stupid Sarah should keep her head down – we all know what happens to women who split with sons of the Queen and then fail to shut up. Personally I’d like all the Royals AND their hangers-on to be sent to the Moon and left there. I must add though – if anyone has £500,000 to waste and wants to meet my Ex, please contact me here. For that much money I won’t just introduce you, I’ll hold him down while you f*** him.
2) Yet again, somebody has sent me a violently racist joke, via text message. WTF? The last person who did this didn’t know me very well… THIS time the “joke” was from somebody I’ve known since I was sixteen. I know I did stand-up comedy for a while but that doesn’t mean I want to be informed of any old piece of hate-filled shit that some idiot considers “funny”. Plus, I don’t want these messages popping up on my mobile phone, where they will be stored until I delete them. What if I get sent one and then I’m run over and killed before I notice it? Anyone who goes through my belongings, in oder to identify me, will think “Wow, she must be a racist, people are sending her racist jokes! I’m glad she is dead!”. I wear clean knickers, in case I get run over – please don’t ruin my efforts to die as a respectable person by polluting my phone.
3) Yesterday a baby was Christened at our Church. One of the women attending was dressed like a whore, kept looking impatiently at her watch throughout the service and got the giggles so badly during the Lord’s Prayer that she was shaking and crying. Nice choice of Godmother there.
I’m not a fan of “people” this morning.
(BTW, that thing about my Ex was a tasteless “joke” that I didn’t really mean. I would never condone, or encourage, rape. Just be grateful I didn’t send it to your mobile.)