Stats Maniac

When I moved my internet “home” to WordPress, I discovered a new toy – because included in my handsome blog was a Blog Stats page.

Oh. My. God. I am obsessed with my Blog Stats. I am SO excited by any “progress” I make. Did I get more hits than yesterday? Did this week do better than last week? How are my hits this month, compared to last month?

And then there is the list of “Top Posts and Pages”. Oooohhh… What do people WANT? What is my most popular post of ALL TIME? Click, click, click… My fingers are a blur, my brain becomes a computer. I study the Graphs, I hold my breath each time I check the hits so far today…

I need to get out more.

There is even a bit where it lists what people have put into Google search, to find your site (I’ve mentioned this before). One of the most disturbing was “puppies dogs sucking womens tits”… WHAT?! And that led them to me, did it? Let me point out that after two days of breast-feeding my first CHILD I gave up – so puppies have got NO chance.

Anyway, back to the Stats. Well, you are here now, reading this, and that means you’re included in my Stats today. I love you. Seriously. We will share a cigarette together later and I will make you breakfast. Tell other people about my blog and let’s have a threesome! You know you want to.

Dave has suggested that my obsession with Stats and Hits is unhealthy. He has also pointed out that “Page Views” are not the same as “Unique Visitors”, which means (after he applies some kind of weird calculation) that his blog at soylentdave.com is probably more popular than mine. F**k HIM! I may not have the most famous blog on the planet but it is growing in popularity and I like my little Stats game.

I’ve already said I need to get out more, haven’t I?

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36 responses to “Stats Maniac

  1. You can get much higher wordpress stats if you include photos with your entries, particularly if you give them search engine friendly titles, because then your blog will come up in Google Image searches.

  2. Oohhh, a top tip! Thanks! I do want people to find my site worth reading though, I don’t want to trick them here and then they go “Meh, this isn’t what I want to read…”. I guess I just need to make the pictures relevant. :D

  3. Yeah, for a while I was mirroring my LJ on WordPress and got stat addicted too and quickly found out that every post with a photo got many, many more hits than those without photos.

    But, it can overwhelm the stats a bid. I had one blog post where I had an emma watson upskirt photo and that post started getting more than 2,000 hits a day.

  4. whatigotsofar

    My most popular blog posts all involve breasts. First, it was my post featuring my lame stickperson drawings of ugly boobs. Then it was my post featuring a picture of Wonder Woman which seems to draw many many views of my blog.

  5. Oh don’t worry, your blog is much better than Dave’s. :D

  6. LOL, thanks for the giggle today! I do the Stats dance too….my family got really tired of hearing about how many people clicked on my blog everyday, and forbid me to talk about it!

    Do you happy dance, and don’t let anyone talk you out of it!

    • Thank you! Why are people SO mean? I get enrthused about things and really enjoy them (I’m a bit like Toad of Toad Hall) but, like you, I attract only crushing indifference, or scorn, from my “loved ones”. *Sobbing*

  7. If Dave’s stats are higher it’s cause people keep popping by in the vain hope that he’s written something new. *flees from the wrath of Dave*

  8. Now for some real excitement add a counter with a map like the one on my page. Click on it and you can get your own. I get a little obsessed over my monthly stats. I want to see continued growth.

    My usual search terms are for dogs or dog fail. Recently, a common phrase is ‘why are hockey moms such bitches’ which makes me believe hockey moms are the most hated group in the world.

    • I’m glad it is not just me! I want to see “continued growth” too. I like your Map but I’m not sure I want to share my Stats with people… Nooo my preciousss secret.

  9. You have become what is lovingly referred to as a “traffic whore.” :) We all go through it, when we see those numbers grow and that little graph thingy going up.

    If you do a search through the forums (another fun place!), WP even has tips on how to grow your blog.

    • I’ve seen their tips but they are pretty lame. “Tell your family and friends about your blog!” yeah, right – then that’ll be one huge section of my life I won’t be able to take the piss out of!

      But you are correct – My name is Blogmella and I am a Stats Whore.

  10. Puppy dogs sucking women’s tits? There’s a damned niche market.

    Frightening.

    I get a lot of rather disturbing senior porn search terms. I’ll leave those to your imagination.

  11. I admit it, I am also a stats whore. Hang on, I’m a bloke. Does that make me a stats gigolo?

    Tip No.1 for growing your stats would be to write an article on budgerigars, for example, and then add some tags such as ‘sex’, ‘porn’, ‘sodomy’ and see how people have a sudden and growing interest in caged birds.

  12. The search section is so great. That puppy one is crazy!

    Apparently my blog comes up when people search for “Hot Guys, No Clothes.” I haven’t really figured out the connection yet. I mentioned Johnny Depp once, but nothing about him being naked.

  13. Confession: I am also a stats whore. And I rarely have pictures because I am challenged that way. Just happy I have a place to write and people bump into it. Approximately 3-1/2 personal friends even know I have a blog. When I tried to tell people, they turned up their noses and acted like I was trying to sell them encylopedias … truth is, they don’t know what blogs are. Poor things. You rock.

  14. You could always pervert up your titles so that people think you’re writing something dirty! For example, you could change “Scrubbing My Rug” and “Naughty Toy Story” to—uh, actually you can keep those two as is. But you could re-title “Naked Gardening” and “Feng Shui of the Penis” to something more—ooooh, you know what, just keep doing what your doing!

    Also: Dave who?

    • Ugh…I used the wrong “you’re at the end!” I’m going to make myself stand in the corner. No Pudding!

      • I mean: the wrong “you’re” at the end. Now quotes are baffling me. Do errors help your stats? I’m just being a nuisance now, aren’t I?

        • Hahahaha! Rob, never comment when you’ve been taking Crack!

          I do have a way of making my posts sound more interesting, don’t I? Although actually only one of those was misleading… ;)

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