Waiter Pwns My Multilingual Mother

My Mother was fussing as usual, turning a family meal out into a fiasco, because the Greek Restaurant’d had the audacity to call its meals Greek things.
“What do you think this is?” she asked, poking at something on the Menu.
“I don’t know, it’s all Greek to me!” I joked pathetically. I tend to just order things and hope for the best, I mean the Menu roughly described each item in any case.

My Mother signaled to a waiter, who walked over slowly. He was olive-skinned and tall, with high cheek-bones and thick black wavy hair, the top two buttons on his starched white shirt were undone. He stood silently observing my Mother. She tipped the Menu in his direction and jabbed at the item again…
“Is this hot?” she asked. The waiter flared his nostrils and frowned slightly, looking quizzical. My Mother gave a bad-tempered sigh, shook her head and used the well-worn British approach to international misunderstandings.
“EEEES THEEIIISS ‘OOOTTT?” She shouted, in her finest pigeon English. The waiter’s face remained poker perfect…

“Do you mean heated or pungent madam?” he asked, in the most perfect, cut-glass English accent I have ever heard.

I had to stuff my napkin in my mouth when I saw the look on her face.


19 responses to “Waiter Pwns My Multilingual Mother

  1. HAHA.
    I think I’d have been rolling on the floor laughing if that happened.

  2. WIN for the waiter!

    I hate the way my father acts with wait-staff when he wants something. Embarrassing!!!

  3. BWAHAHAAAA!!! I think I would have KISSED him for that!!! OR at least blown him a kiss.

  4. BWAHAHAAAA!!! I think I would have KISSED him for that!!! OR at least blown him.

  5. Well done stifling the giggles there. Nothing like (apparently) being ganged up on to make lunch into an armed conflict.

    • Actually she didn’t really mind once the initial shock (of looking stupid) passed. She has known me for too long to think I’m anything but a bitch.

  6. I hope you tipped him well.

  7. HAHAHA! A waiter after my own heart.

  8. hahaha, brilliant… have done same thing in an indian place, felt so bad for trying out my awful indian accent in case that would help, it didn’t btw :)

  9. I was at an Indian restaurant with some friends recently and we were talking about how American English is far superior to England English (as a joke, of course). The waiter, who was ethnically Indian, was arguing with us and so I asked what his first language was, because I couldn’t tell his accent. He just laughed and said “I’m from England.” I felt like an idiot for implying that he didn’t speak English properly. Ah well. :)

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