World Naked Bike Ride?

Because I am a fan of crazy naturist blogger Barry Knell , I get highly welcome advanced warnings about people intending to be naked, outside the privacy of their own homes. Remember Naked Gardening ? I thought that was bad enough but now , thanks to Barry, I have heard about Naked Bike Riding. According to Barry,

“The World Naked Bike Ride for Britain kicks off next week with Southampton and Manchester on Friday 11th June. London and Cardiff have their rides on Saturday 12th June with Brighton, Bristol and Edinburgh on 13th June. Sheffield and York follow on 19th June.

For the life of me, I cannot imagine why ANYBODY would want to ride a bike naked. Why would I, as a lady, venture forth on a bicycle, without wearing knickers (unless I intended to sell the saddle afterwards, to a Japanese business man)? The positioning of female naughty-bits is just wrong, even for cycling fully clothed. And would I really want to be hunched over the handle-bars, whizzing along, with no top and NO BRA on? I’m not as young as I used to be – my nipples could get caught in the chain.

And what about Barry? I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m going to come straight out with it – what does he do with his testicles, when he is riding his bike naked? They aren’t going to be cradled by nice spandex cycle shorts, he can’t leave them at home, or put them in his saddle-bag… Surely he doesn’t sit on them? So does he have to choose which side of the saddle to dangle them on? Does he stand up for the entire journey? Do they just sit on the cross-bar neatly, like super-glued plums? Does he sit on something like this?

Or is that a saddled designed for women? Oh God, the more I think about it, the less I want to think about it.

Unless you are having a shower, sitting in the bath, or having sex – being naked seems impractical, messy and dangerous. Naturists also seem to come up with ever more ludicrous things to do in the buff, which virtually guarantees  that I will continue to see them as lunatics. As a casual observer, I suppose naked bike riders passing by on Friday (I live in Manchester) will be fairly tolerable  – I might even give them a cheer, as long as the traffic keeps moving at a fair pace and the naked cyclists are reasonably fit… But I won’t be taking part. Most certainly not. In fact, I’m going to wear an extra pair of knickers, just to reassure myself.

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26 responses to “World Naked Bike Ride?

  1. Naked Cycling is big in Portland Oregon just South of here.

    In Seattle, the naked cyclists of the Fremont Solstice Parade are one of the event’s major attractions.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solstice_Cyclists

    Why in the cold wet Pacific Northwest of all places?

  2. Hehehe. They’re having one here in San Diego as well! Although apparently there’s been some controversy about getting a permit or something…I heard a news report but will have to investigate further and report back

  3. I’m from Seattle and have to tell you, the Summer Solstice bike ride and parade always have me wondering why people would want to ride their bikes naked. Yes, men have testicles to deal with, but what about women? Need I say more?

    The nudists are taking over! ;)

    • “Need I say more?”

      In my head I wrote so much FILTH on the idea of women, saddles etc. but I decided against posting it. I’m getting soft in my old age.

  4. Oh, and I’m presently in SF, where in a couple of weeks we have Gay Pride to look forward to. I guess there’s LOTS of nudity then…can’t wait. :)

  5. That seat look gynocological. Meh. The LAST thing I would do naked is get on a bike. My “privacy” would be out of service and most uncomfortable. But hurray for those who are into that sort of thing ….

  6. I mean “looks” – spaz me

  7. I’m one of those people who read your post and then left without leaving a comment. Or at least I was.

  8. I think having to ride your bike naked should be the punishment doled out to those asshats who always seem to cut me off , take up my lane, run red lights or otherwise completely ignore the rules of the road. Can you tell I’m not a fan of cycling in general?

    Hmm… also wondering… do they wear shoes? If they do, are they REALLY naked?

  9. I used to be a pretty avid cyclist so trust me when I say “HELL NO!” to biking in the nude. The whole image is a nightmare. Boobs hanging, seat jammed in my crack, sunburned nightmare.

  10. whatigotsofar

    Didn’t Queen do a promotion in the 70s with a naked bicycle race?

  11. Pingback: Why naked? « Barry Knell's Blog

  12. “the more I think about it, the less I want to think about it.”

    R(NotNaked)OFL! How you expressed it pretty much sums up how I feel about it!

  13. I’ll have to think about this… perhaps, if it was a soft gel seat, and it was covered with nubs, on a mountain bike on a washboard road,… oh yesss!! Yesss!!
    Where do I sign up??

  14. How can you not watch a naked bike ride? I think you have to watch just to figure out the seat and shoe logistics. Please do a followup post. With pictures…wait…no pictures.

  15. I know for some americans, they would certainly enjoy this event. As a participant for this event, I don’t think I could ride a bike in such a skinny and hard shelled seat! LOL :)
    I’m with Roxy on this one, though I haven’t had the pleasure of plesuring myself at any time :( I can just imagine… the possibilities, sweet :)

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