40 Amazing Random Facts About Me

Here is a list of amazing, fascinating and possibly sometimes disturbing, facts about me. In no particular order:

  1. I have absolutely no sense of smell.
  2. I once had a huge Bartholin’s cyst, in my vagina. The operation that cured it was called a marsupialisation. I was seven months pregnant at the time.
  3. I am allergic to courgettes (zucchini).
  4. I used to rescue unwanted and abandoned pet rats. Sadly, I have cats now (also rescues).
  5. I can ski, if a little slowly.
  6. I can crew a yacht and a catamaran.
  7. I can’t drive though.
  8. My boyfriend is only two months older than my oldest son.
  9. I can spread my toes like an ape.
  10. My Dad was cremated wearing a Victorian costume.
  11. I once levitated, in front of a very religious old Greek lady – and she started crossing herself , in horror.
  12. As a child I slept almost motionless, because I was afraid that the teddies in my bed would get suffocated.
  13. I could read before I started school.
  14. I survived a hideous car crash (in Florida), with minor injuries. People who came to help us thought we would be dead.
  15. The first baby I gave birth to weighed ten pounds.
  16. I have “double-jointed” fingers.
  17. I’ve performed stand-up comedy at about 80 gigs.
  18. I once held a man’s hand while he died.
  19. I lost my virginity, aged 21, on my (first) wedding night.
  20. When I was 12, I secretly sprinkled itching powder on my Maths teacher’s head. It didn’t work though.
  21. Despite dating a few hippies, I have never tried a single illegal drug.
  22. I once slid 100 yards along an icy road on my arse, along with my (crashed) moped.
  23. I have never had sex with anyone older than me.
  24. I have climbed several (small) mountains and some sea cliffs.
  25. As an adult, my weight has fluctuated by about 60 pounds, over the years.
  26. BBC Radio 4 once paid me to talk about the Oscars.
  27. One night, I had to change into a nurse’s uniform (for a comedy gig) in a tiny dressing room – full of male comedians, who were all reading pornographic magazines.
  28. I am partly Jewish, partly Irish and I think there is a hint of Gypsy in my past too. All of these “parts” are quite far back though.
  29. I know how to change a colostomy bag and have, several times.
  30. My first son talked very early and by two and a half years old, I had taught him the art of sarcasm.
  31. I have owned two dogs but I have NEVER been able to control one. Dogs laugh in my face, because I am too nice. I win though, because they’re both dead now.
  32. I am left-handed, left-footed, my left tit is bigger than the right one and my left armpit gets hairier.
  33. At school, I failed my Cycling Proficiency Test. Twice.
  34. I spent six months as a vegetarian, in the year 2000.
  35. I used to be a practicing Buddhist.
  36. I have flawless control over my gag reflex.
  37. One of the best weeks of my life was spent snowed-in, at home, with an open fire.
  38. All three of my sons are tall, good-looking and funny (thanks to me).
  39. I went to London, on the day of Princess Diana’s funeral. I watched the procession and then the service, on the screens in Hyde Park.
  40. I have no sisters and one (younger) brother who couldn’t be more different to me if he tried.
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28 responses to “40 Amazing Random Facts About Me

  1. Re:#11….wait….what???

    Just zucchini? No other squash?

    I am right there with you on #21.

  2. Actually, you’re right – all squashes.

    #11… I did the David Blaine trick (Google it) and it REALLY looks like you are levitating. I mean, one of my friends almost had a heart attack when I did it for (to) her. Hahaha!

    But the time I mention here was a holiday in Greece… The old lady that owned our Apartments was serving in the bar. She was all dressed in black, wearing a crucifix and no make-up. I did the trick and freaked her out so badly she was crossing herself and muttering prayers. It was SO evil of me. I wanted to explain but the person I was with wouldn’t let me (until the end of the holiday). I was scared she would burn down our room with us in it. When we finally told her how it was done, she pretended to have known all along. Hahaha!

  3. BRILLIANT!

  4. whatigotsofar

    I now know more about your titties and vagina than any other woman in the world. That makes me so sad I’m going to cry.

  5. You’re such a unique person. I like that about people who aren’t embarrased about themselves when they do describe their traits. Everything about you is splendid, I haven’t had a friend that’s open as you are, I have to figure them out myself :)

  6. In regard to 13, I could read before I went to school too. I didn’t think it was unusual though, I just thought all of the other kids were stupid.

  7. You never cease to amaze me. Please tell me how to levitate … have several upcoming events that talent would come in handy. Also, WHAT is a Cycling Proficiency test? Really? Am serious about levitating – not lactating – levitating:)

  8. See my reply to the first comment, this is the trick: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balducci_levitation … If it doesn’t work you look REALLY dumb but if it does people are terrified of you.

    The Cycling Proficiency test was (is still?) a test we took at school, as kids. Besically we were taught the rules of the road and how to use our bikes safely in traffic. I was about 11 and I just could NOT pass it. :(

  9. That is an amazing list of facts – better than any bio you could have written! And I should have known you had a background in stand-up… it’s all becoming clear to me now!

    I’ve experienced #18 a few times – and each time I had to get the wallet and get out of the motel before the body was discovered.

  10. Those are all very interesting things to learn about you, Mella. :) Are you going to post them on your about page too? I don’t think I could think of that many unique things about myself, but my last baby was also 10 lbs, and she was also born at home. Her head was 15 inches around. I had to measure, because I was sure it was about 45. ;)

  11. #23 I have never had sex with anyone older than me.

    I wish I could say that.. but then, you’ve got me beat the other way around – I’ve never been with anyone younger than myself.

    On an unrelated note, my Mum is actually dating someone that’s only a little older than I am – sometimes it feels weird. But then she said me dating someone her age or older was weird too.

    • My older kids are not very impressed with the age thing but Brandon likes the fact that Dave is young. I think the most important thing is that we spend time with people who have our best interests at heart.

      Thanks for commenting over here BTW! Lovely to see your name and stuff. :)

  12. I so need to try #11. #12 is so cute. I used to have to sleep with all of my stuffed animals because I didn’t want one to feel left out.

    • Hahaha! Awww!

      By the time I’d got to Brandon, (after all the pets and teddies and two other kids) I was like “He’ll be FINE!” all the time. I even left him sleeping in a surf shack, on a beach in Greece, under a rack of boards – while I went sailing. The Beach Crew at the club awarded me with a “Mother of the Week” award, on leaving night. Sarcastic sods. :D

  13. #32: all true for me too. I breastfed my son, and he had a huge preference for the left boob…maybe it’s got magical powers or something.

  14. This is a great list. I’m impressed by a lot of it, but mostly by #36. We all know how a straight woman can get THAT quality. ;) No wonder you’re dating a younger man. :)

  15. You forgot “41. I’m made of awesome!”

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