10 Good Reasons To Have Children

1) You Become An Adult: This is probably the best reason to become a parent… You’ll finally have to really grow up. Once you are a parent you can no longer allow yourself to be afraid of the dark, afraid of bees, drunk every night, or going without food in the house, “Because I bought a new Xbox game”. You mature, you think things through, you get over yourself… Because you now have some perspective. Usually.

2) Reproducing Your Genes: Let’s face it, once you’ve managed to meet the partner of your dreams and you’ve built a little home together, having a child is the logical next step. If you are worried about the environment, concerned about overpopulation and questioning the future of the planet…You are exactly the sort of person who should be breeding. God knows there are enough idiots doing it, and they have to be counter-balanced.

3) Buying Their Clothes: Tiny little baby clothes. Cute kids’ clothes. Cool, hardcore, kickass, teenage fashion (or alternative clothing). All great fun to buy, but they won’t fit you in middle-age… Or even if they will, you’ll look embarrassing. Kids are your ticket into the shops that you can’t normally shop in and it’s great fun to choose clothes without reference to your own fat belly. Mind you, it doesn’t always work – Brandon wanted to buy a horrible, chavvy, pastel-coloured polo shirt last week. I was all, “Get this T shirt! It’s BLACK with skulls on!” but he refused to entertain the idea. Damn.

4) Sharing Their Toys: I don’t need to explain.

5) You Can Use Them As An Excuse: “Oh I’d love to come and help you move house but Brandon has a temperature and he feels sick”. Or, ” I’ll have to get off the phone now Mum, Little Johnny has his head stuck in the bannister”. Perfect.

6) Retribution Is Yours: Ever been in a restaurant and seen kids running wild and throwing food? It’s SO frustrating that you can’t shout at them or hit them. However, if they are your own kids…You CAN! And everyone will applaud you for it.

7) Explaining Sex: Some people think this is a HARD part of parenting. Personally I loved it. Especially when one of my sons (naming no names) told me that masturbating sounded “disgusting” and that he thought he probably wouldn’t take it up. HAHAHAHA!

8) Telling Lies: If you lie to your friends and colleagues, you end up being put in a mental home. But with your kids, you can say anything you like. And better still, they believe you! Mine thought I was a secret agent, a magician, German and (at one point) their adoptive Mother. Of course, you have to tell them the truth after a couple of years.

9) Watching Children’s TV: Everybody knows that some of the best shows on TV are aimed at children but if you don’t have kids you have no excuse to watch them. Or maybe you just won’t notice them. Without Brandon, I would not have seen Pingu, for example.

10) Securing Your Future Care: Even at the exact moment that you are wiping your kids’ arses, you know in your heart that one day they will be doing the same for you. Or paying someone else to do it. And what boy can resist digging his old Mum’s garden? Or mending her roof?


24 responses to “10 Good Reasons To Have Children

  1. I agree with all the reasons especially #10 as it appears I’m going more senile every day. Or maybe my brain is just full.

    I loved when my kids were little that I could watch cartoons. I have to wait for grandkids before I can start watching them again.

    Kids also keep you current on music. I’d still listen to 70s music if it wasn’t for my kids.

    Kids keep you young by giving you something to laugh at. Sometimes I think I have the funniest kids, but then I hear stories from other parents and realize kids are just funny.

  2. I’ve linked this on Facebook as you’re spot-on with all 10. Especially #4 and #9 ;-)

  3. 11) Cheap labour

  4. Mine *loved* Pingu when he was little. =)

  5. #10 would be the only reason why I might consider purchasing a child (husband is snipped). I got nieces for #3, 4, 8 and 9. I got a husband for #1. I swear he’s just a 300lb child with a job!

  6. Yes to all of the above! My #11 is so that you will have someone who still gives you hugs when no one else will.

  7. Here is my rebuttal on why I am content being child-free:

    1. One of my husband’s friends told him that the best way to stop buying frivolous things was to have children. (That friend still bought stuff he didn’t need. It just meant that he had less of the things he liked and more debt.) Personally, I’d rather live comfortably than trying to scrape by just because other people are dependent on my paycheck.

    2. There are enough skinny nerds with poor eyesight and crooked teeth in the world – why should I add another one? I am also concerned about overpopulation, so I think I’ll just remove myself from the gene pool so my descendants don’t have to live in a crappy world.

    3. I hate shopping.

    4. If I really want to play with toys, I can just buy them for myself.

    5. I’m okay with helping people move and so forth.

    6. There’s always the chance that I can go out to eat and there are no obnoxious children. Otherwise, I can always get my food to-go.

    7. Okay, this one is funny, but I’ll pass.

    8. I can always lie to other people’s children.

    9. I hated children’s programming when I was a kid; I don’t think it’s gotten any better.

    10. I really don’t have a relationship with my parents as an adult, and they don’t have any real obligations to their elderly parents either. I don’t think having children is any guarantee of having support in old age.

  8. LOL … Although, I do gotta disagree with #1, especially now that the kid is 15. He’s into this whole (I’d rather have ramon noodles kick so I can have this, sort of deal). Of course, ebay makes things so much easier! I can buy my fun stuff for much less – and as a person who grew up with siblings (and loads of aunts and uncles) I don’t mind if it’s used before hand.

  9. LOL Too funny. :)

    The worst part about #1 though was that it made me have to eat my vegetables. ;) *gag*

  10. Carl Gallagher off Shameless wore a pastel-coloured polo shirt. Pink I think, he was hot in it,mind you he has abs that never end. He’s not as hot as Ben Batt (http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/object2/1511/44/n116386981732642_7180.jpg) who played the gorgeous ginger Joe on Shameless.

  11. “Gorgeous ginger”? Isn’t that an oxymoron? ;)

  12. “Head stuck in a bannister” is great…I did that once when I was little. =)

  13. Gosh darnit! You posted this two days too late! I had my vasectomy on the 18th! Had I known there were at least 10 good reasons to have kids…. well yeah, I would have had it done anyway ;)

    • Hahaha! My friend had that done and as he lay (naked) waiting for the doctor to come in, he didn’t know where to put his hands. So eventually he laced his fingers behind his head and tried to relax. In walked the nurse, looked at him and said,

      “Put your hands down Mr. Lewis, the doctor is here to do a vasectomy, not a pin-up.”

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