What A Haul!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Brandon spent the weekend camping and walking on the local Moors, with Army Cadets. I missed him, so I was really glad when he got home, on Sunday evening. But he didn’t come home empty handed…

As well as the sunburnt neck (he forgot to apply sun-block to that bit of him) and a ton of insect bites (I knew we forgot to pack something) he also brought home FOOD.

And not just any food. It was Army issue CAMPING FOOD. He had his own unused packs and he had collected anything nobody else wanted. He knows I love things like that. I love anything that makes me think of a) survival and b) eating. I love tiny food in foil – food on planes, for instance. Mmmm. And I have strange fantasies about living in the wild, making my own shelter and sucking cold chicken stew from a foil pouch. What? That’s a perfectly normal dream.

So now we have a pile of cool little brown tubes, that look like toothpaste but are actually full of Fruit Spread and Yeast Extract. We also have “Action Man” sized bottles of Tabasco Sauce, and individual servings of the world’s hardest biscuits. Then there are the sachets of Hot Chocolate powder and Instant Soup. Best of all though, we have foil-pouched Ready Meals – such as “Chicken Arabbiata” and “Chicken With Herb Dumplings”. And hot desserts, like “Toffee Pudding with Toffee Sauce” and “Sponge Pudding With Custard”. Yummy! All you have to do is dump them in cold water and bring it to the boil. I almost forgot to mention all the little packs of condiments and the waterproof matches. Brilliant stuff.

I daresay we will eat all these things in time but not actually whilst CAMPING. Dave isn’t very outdoorsy and we don’t have a car at present. Or a tent. But I will still enjoy them… I’ll enjoy the novelty and I’ll pretend I am behind enemy lines, or in space, or camping in the Peak District. Nothing beats food that is chock full of preservatives and dreams of adventure, warmed up in a foil pouch.


24 responses to “What A Haul!

  1. My mountain walking husband buys this kind of stuff from an catalogue called Field and Trek. (He used to sit in bed reading the catalogue so I used to call the stack of them by his side of the bed his “porn Stash”).

    Some of them I get, because something called stew can quite happily consist of brown gravy with bits of meat and veg floating in them, or rice pudding can be a milk sauce with lumps of rice…but will someone please explain to me how you can get, in a foil bag to which you add boiling water, reseal, shake then eat straight from the bag, a LASAGNE!!!! or an APPLE CRUMBLE???? The whole point of these dishes is that they are in layers!!!!

    • Sarah, I don’t like to be rude but you are starting to sound like a fussy eater! Food ceases to be in “layers” moments after it enters your mouth… Hot water in a pouch is an excellent basis on which to make a “crumble”. That is SO obvious.

      Field and Trek would be next to my bed too, if I had a copy. Little folding stuff and sporks and dry food… Porn at its best.

  2. Don’t ask how I know this, but it is fact – – there are still Army surplus stores here that have cases and cases of Korean War-vintage C-Rations! The Korean War was what–nearly 60 years ago? Mmmm, tasty! So, what I think you should do is save these treats for your grandchildren and great-grandchildren. A delicious slice of history for your distant decendants that they will treasure always. Or something like that.

  3. I’ll send you one of my extra tents.

    When I backpack, I get some dehydrated food that’s actually quite tasty. (I used to have to eat the government issued stuff when I was on the fire line with the Forest Service and found it quite nasty-if you eat the peanut butter, you won’t poop for a week)

    This stuff is actually quite tasty.


  4. It sounds, err, delightful. Sorry we can’t make it for dinner this week but it was nice of you to ask.

  5. No camping? No tent? That denies us the joy of seeing the two of you recording video blog entries as you both deal with the great outdoors. It would be epic.

  6. You’d get on brilliantly with my husband then – his idea of a good time is camping on his own in 4 feet of snow, somewhere on Kinder Scout. I’m trying to encourage this interest in my toddler, as it’s HEAVEN having the bed/house to myself while they fanny about in a tent in the garden ;)

  7. Over here our military calls those MRE’s, or Meals Ready to Eat.

    I’ve had them, they’re not as awful as you’d think. I think the survivalist fantasy thing would be fun. :D

  8. LOL! That food sounds, um, delicious. Yeah, that’s the word I’m looking for, delicious. ;)

  9. That is so funny. I swear we are twins separated at birth.

    I used to buy the camping food for camping in my back yard. The “camping” consisted of a fire to heat the food and eat it and then I came inside to sleep. I just really wanted the food in the foil pouch.

  10. BE CAREFULL! My husband is in the military and used to bring those home (MRE=Meals Ready to Eat) and I used to LOVE them. That is, until I learned how many calories are in them.

    They are designed for people who are exercising hard and need to replenish their energy, not so much for people like me who sit on the couch and watch TV while shoving them in my mouth.

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