Ten Ways To Annoy Your Cat

Unlike dogs, (who are stupid, loyal and think everything is BRILLIANT), cats are highly-strung, selfish and supercilious. They take advantage of us and are never grateful – often spending time at a neighbour’s house, to get extra treats… So how can we get even?

Ten Ways To Annoy Your Cat

1) Discuss your cat loudly (while the cat is in the room). Repeatedly say the cat’s name and occasionally laugh. The cat will eventually look paranoid, with flat ears and shifty eyes. Job done.

2) Keep opening cans of peaches, peas, anything that isn’t cat food. The cat will greedily run to the kitchen and then look miffed. Hilarious.

3) Dress your cat up. Baby clothes are good fun, or maybe just a big, silly bow. The cat will try to  hide under the bed, in shame. Take pictures.

4) Copy your cat’s movements, when it is washing. The cat will gradually catch on, until it sits motionless, tongue half out, staring at you in angry disgust. Have fun with this idea but don’t accidentally lick your genitals, or the cat wins.

5) Whistle, in long, low, mournful notes and sit still. The cat will look confused, revolve its ears a bit and then come and try to put its head in your mouth. Stop until it goes away and then start again. Repeat until you get bored.

6) Fuss over a cuddly toy, while your cat is watching. Stroke the toy and tell it how wonderful it is, whilst completely ignoring your cat. The cat will come over and try to get your attention, finally flopping down in a jealous sulk. Leave them to fight it out.

7) Play a game called “It’s Raining”, whenever your cat finds you in the bath, or with your hands in water. The cat will get wet and angry. Pretend to be sympathetic about the unexpected weather.

8) Speak to the cat, in its own “language”, remembering to make it the most grotesque parody possible. The cat will be embarrassed and confused. With luck, you might even miaow something offensive.

9) Keep turning your head suddenly and staring at your cat intently. The cat will feel incredibly insecure and flooded with adrenaline. Priceless.

10) Post about your cat on the internet. The cat will mourn the loss of both privacy and dignity… Well, mine do anyway.


34 responses to “Ten Ways To Annoy Your Cat

  1. whatigotsofar

    Here’s a why to annoy both your cat and anybody you live with.
    Take a slice of salami or some other sliced meat. Punch a hole through the slice. Tie a string through the hole in the slice and give the string a lot of slack. Dangle the meat from the string in front of the cat then pull it away. When the cat lunges for the meat, pull it away again.
    Then, this is the most important part, wake up everybody in the house and make them watch you annoy the cat with this meat on a string.

  2. oh this made me laugh so much, I choked on my own saliva. LOL
    Well done, you.
    As I read it, I could see how my three cats would be totally annoyed by any one of these suggestions.

  3. I have done at least 7 of these. I’m pretty sure both my cats are plotting my death, although they make a pretty good pantomime about hating each other when I’m around. CLEVER LITTLE FUCKERS.

  4. #2 is great! My cat doesn’t even wait to hear a can open. She comes running the minute I step into the kitchen.

    She also comes running when I open a bag of chips. Then she bats at my hand as I try to eat a chip. She’s the one in charge in our relationship.

  5. Love this! Wish I’d known about “It’s Raining” when I had toddlers – would have played it all day long – am mean and horrid.

  6. Alas, my allergies prevent me from annoying a cat of my own. Now, I can live vicariously through your blog!

  7. 5: just tried that – awesome!

    8. No, my last cat was fairly vocal and I used to mimic…and it just encouraged her.

  8. I think if i accidentally lick my genitals, it’s a win / win.

  9. We had this cat who knew when we were making fun of him and he HATED it. His solution was to hide under the furniture, but he always left his rear part out. He wasn’t all that smart (which was why we made fun of him) and we have endless pictures and videos of Pie going off in a huff to hide half way. I miss that cat.

  10. Hahahahaha! I actually used to do a couple of these when I had my cat when I was a teen! LOL

    Too funny, and you’re very creative in your ways of annoying behavior. ;)

  11. 1, 5, 7, and 8 are staples in my household. Heh. :D

  12. I must share this with my cat friends.

  13. Thanks! I love the pimpage.

    Actually though, if you could edit my LJ name off it, I’d be grateful. I’m trying to avoid my ex finding this blog (although, he probably already has), so I don’t really mention the two names in the same place (hence I lock all my own pimping entries)… I’m hoping that Googling one won’t bring up the other. (Mind you, you’ve done a typo anyway! Hahaha!). xoxox

  14. <>

    Accidentally? I can’t even do this on purpose!

  15. My cat has been constantly annoyed since the baby arrived in February.

    She has got her own back at me in many ways – vomiting raw chicken on the baby gym, sitting in the pram whenever she gets the chance and recently she sat on his sweet little bear t-shirt and wiped cat ass juice all over it.

  16. my cat is a masochist so none of this really worked he enjoyed it to much -.-

  17. Lol i did number 3 and my cat hid in shame under my bed lol, and i did number 9 and my cat just came up to me a swat me in the face. :(

  18. I told my neighbours dog and he got an evil gleam in his eyes. The new neighbours on the other side have 2 cats

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