Too Beautiful To Fancy?

I’ve spent most of my long life surrounded by men and boys. Family, friends, husbands, sons, boyfriends; I like men and I’ve hung out with them a lot. I try to understand men and boys (on the whole they aren’t that complicated) but there is one thing about seemingly straight men that surprises me every time… Their ability to zoom in on something UGLY about any woman, however beautiful she is. In fact, sometimes it seems the more gorgeous a woman is, the more they can find wrong with her.

You’ve all seen/heard it happening, I’m sure. A really striking blonde (with long hair, long legs and a sexy pout) wiggles into the room. The men all turn and stare. You whisper to the nearest guy,

“I bet you like her!” to which he replies.

 “Nah, her earlobes are slightly elongated”. WTF?

I remember once reading a meme by a bloke on LJ, who had to say which celebrity he’d most like to sleep with. His reply?

“Angelina, pre-pregnancy.” This was ages after she had given birth, by the way. Again, I can only ask “WTF?”. He wasn’t exactly a male model himself. He was a single, obese, middle-aged internet geek, actually. Angelina probably didn’t get ANY stretch marks but if she did I’m willing to bet each and every one of them was more attractive to look at than Mr. Meme. Still, he had standards… So Angelina, post-baby, was no longer any good to him.

Perhaps men have this reflex in order to protect their egos (as in, “I don’t fancy her anyway, so she ISN’T out of my league”). Not every man who has criticised a beautiful woman to me, in real-life, has been my partner – but I suppose they might have been trying to protect MY ego (being as I’m not stunning myself). Or maybe some men are just a lot harder to please than women think they are. And perhaps the aura of physical beauty that surrounds some women also attracts deeper analysis of their looks – whereas a “normal” looking girl only inspires a quick inspection and an appreciation of what she HAS got to offer “Chubby but nice tits though”).

Last but not least… Maybe what is considered “attractive” in the general sense, ISN’T what most men are into sexually?

I really don’t know.


25 responses to “Too Beautiful To Fancy?

  1. Weird Al does a song, “Close, But No Cigar”, that makes fun of this very fact.

    • Good old Al, I love him so much.

      • You know he’s playing his first EVER UK show this December? He’s been releasing records for over 20 years but he’s never played a single concert on these shores.

        I’ve got some spare tickets if you fancy trekking down to London to see him.

  2. I suspect it’s more that they are so in danger of behaving gobsmacked that finding flaws is their counter-defense to keep those women in the realm of human.

  3. Fundamental flaw in data collection procedure. It is generally hurtful to indicate to a woman that another, nearby woman is much hotter, so you generally don’t do that.

  4. Andrew Hickey

    What Philip said, although I suspect that also “Maybe what is considered “attractive” in the general sense, ISN’T what most men are into sexually?” has a lot to do with it.

    • Dave thinks the girl who replaced Carol Vorderman has revolting hands. I’m like “She is STUNNING. You MUST fancy her! Be honest!” to which he replied “With THOSE hands? Ugh!”.

      • Funny story – Rachel had accepted a job offer from my cousin to go and work for his internet startup, but (obviously) changed her mind when she got offered the Countdown job as Vord’s replacement.

  5. Virtual Sinner

    Lookswise, I divide women into three groups. The very good looking (top 10%), the not so good looking (bottom 10%) and the vast middle. All the top 90% look pretty good to me.

    BTW, Philip hit the nail on the head.

  6. One male’s view point:
    When asked the question “which celebrity would I most like to sleep with” I become hyper critical because it’s not something that is ever going to happen… if almost any celebrity female actually came on to me I’d be as happy as the proverbial pig in shit.

    If a woman I am out with asks me “is that girl hot” I will find fault with “that girl” to make the woman I am out with feel better/sexier than the girl she pointed out.

    I find most of the things that are supposed to be what I look for in a woman a bit of a turn off (size zero; made up; half undressed (outside of the bedroom!); etc ) I would be surprised if I alone felt this way.

  7. Our dominant culture (US) raises girls to look into mirrors and raises boys to look at girls. Every idiot on the street who is male seems to feel a right, nay, a responsibility as a well-trained man, to comment on women passing by. Then we react with indifference or hostility because it is creepy and invasive and who cares what some guy thinks anyway? The more self-reflective guys get how bizarre that is and move on from their upbringing in a male-dominated society. It is, however, a cultural norm.

    • I can see I’ve touched a nerve with you.

      When I was at school I had an Italian friend. He visited his family in Italy and was horrified when his male relatives constantly shouted sexual remarks at passing women. Then his aunt noticed him staying quiet… And asked him if he was GAY.

  8. I think we just like picking on people’s flaws because it makes us feel better. As for Angelina, I dunno, your LJ friend just might have had a chance – after all, she married Billy Bob Thornton. So, clearly she doesn’t have good taste in men. She just got lucky with Brad.

  9. “If a woman I am out with asks me “is that girl hot” I will find fault with “that girl” to make the woman I am out with feel better/sexier than the girl she pointed out”…
    My husband used to do that. I found it to be majorly insulting that he thought I was so inferior or so insecure. Before I pointed out to him that my poor little fragile ego could handle the fact that there are beautiful women in the world, he would actually change the channel when a Victoria’s Secret commercial came on, “out of respect for me.” Outrageous. Unless he thought I was so repulsive, why would he think I would feel bad watching a commercial?

    Look, I certainly don’t want him breaking his neck to ogle women as they pass, but to not even be able to acknowledge a woman’s beauty when I point her out is just ridiculous. I can handle it. Trust me.

    • Oh bless him. Dave is a bit like that but he claims he is just choosy.

    • @mamason:

      “My husband used to do that. I found it to be majorly insulting that he thought I was so inferior or so insecure. ”

      Why would you ask your husband if he found another girl hot?

      The whole changing channels when a commercial comes on is a bit strange in my view… but each to his own.

  10. I think it’s the sour grapes theory. I do the same thing, but my standards are more about personality shortcomings than looks.

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