On more than a couple of occasions my nipples have been described as “perfect”, which is pretty hot when you think about it – although admittedly one of the people saying that was a midwife. A male school teacher once told me that my hands were the prettiest he had ever seen (at the time I didn’t understand how inappropriate that was), which was flattering. And my legs… Well, they’re shot now but they used to be dreadfully long and sexy, as everyone pointed out.
So which part of my body has always been the most likely to earn me a fortune? Let me show you:
That’s right, my FEET. Some people cannot get enough of foot fetish porn and by “some” I mean MILLIONS. I reckon I’m standing on a fortune with these babies and their extraordinary flexibility. If I filmed myself wiggling them in a cream cake, I’d be selling the DVDs and buying a MANSION with the profits. I once posted my toe-spreading ability on YouTube and was invited to London for a photographic encounter, of the porn magazine kind. I didn’t go, which is why I am still alive and not buried under a rapist’s patio.
Not everyone finds my feet sexy though (I know that is hard to believe). One person replied to my YouTube video “What r u some kind of ape?” – a hurtful remark that I shall never quite recover from. Also my boyfriend says things like,
“JESUS CHRIST, will you cover your disgusting feet up! I feel sick!” which I can’t help interpreting as somewhat negative.
So anyway, I strongly believe my feet are my fortune and if the current recession continues, I shall have to cash in on their incredible powers of seduction. Not in the flesh, obviously, just a few tasteful photographs and some arty films. I know a lot of people might JUDGE me and say it isn’t right but then again, keeping such glorious assets under wraps could be seen as selfish, couldn’t it?