Tag Archives: films

Unrealistic Movie Moments #1

I’m not stupid, I know people have to suspend their disbelief when they go to the Movies (or “the Pictures” as we like to say in the UK). I know we have to watch people do crazy things, yet have narrow (unrealistic) escapes. I know we are asked to watch artistic sex, where nobody wears a condom, yet nor do they grab a tissue and clean up the sperm. I know we have to entertain the idea that ghosts and aliens exist. I can do that.

But what I CANNOT allow is that somebody would be SO surprised that they would drop something. It doesn’t happen. It screams “I’m ACTING!”. I mean sure, if you sneaked up behind someone and yelled, they might SPILL something… That’s realistic. But your long-lost brother walks in and you DROP A WHOLE TRAY OF FOOD? No. You see your lover with another woman and you drop a glass of wine to the floor? NO. You hear your mute sister say her first words, so you drop a vase of flowers? NO.

If you get a shock you GRIP, you don’t release. You put stuff down and then do something appropriate. YOU DON’T DROP STUFF. That is the clumsy signal-sending of the Silent Screen era, we don’t need it anymore. This pathetic device for flagging up surprise should be banned forever – in favour of subtle PROPER acting.

Am I right? You know I am.

I Can’t Tell Them Apart

Over recent years,  I have developed a rare (and tragic) mental illness, that has crippled my ability to tell famous people apart. I now know that this illness is “Late Onset Celebrifusion” – a condition I have probably inherited from my Mother, who is a fellow sufferer.

Sufferers from LOC , as we at LOCAL (the Late Onset Celebrifusion Awareness League) call it, are likely to be female and will probably be over 50. There is no known cure.

Symptoms include: Saying things like  “Isn’t that the same guy who was in that film we saw last night?” and being wrong. Or maybe saying “I know HIM, he’s married to Jennifer Anniston!” and being wrong. Or, “I know HER, she’s the one who limps in ER!” and of course, she isn’t. The trouble with LOC is that even when the sufferer is TOLD that she (or sometimes he) is wrong, they still have terrible difficulty in accepting the truth. Sometimes convincing them is impossible.

People who have LOC desperately need your tolerance and understanding. And don’t forget the tireless work of the brave carers and volunteers – who sit through films and TV shows, listening to LOC sufferers and NOT JUDGING them.

I found out I had LOC after my boyfriend had spent several days frantically trying to explain to me that Owen Wilson was not the same person as Jeff Daniels. I was so confused by this first LOC attack that I still suffer from flashbacks and delusions that there used to be a film called “Starsky and Dumber”.

Please spread the word about this cruel affliction. Raise awareness, raise money for research, volunteer to watch films with people who have LOC. We need your help.

(If you suspect anyone you know may have LOC, please contact me through this post, or look for a local branch of LOCAL , in your phone book ).