Tag Archives: lies

What Are You “About”?

I absolutely LOVE searching around WordPress (and other blogs), looking for new things to enjoy. There are so many gifted and talented people out there (plus a few amusing nutters) putting such fascinating content into the public domain, free of charge and at the click of a button. Awesome.

Lots of people, however, have very disappointing “About” pages. I like reading “About” people. It doesn’t have to be a vast essay (mine isn’t) but when you read somebody’s blog, it is nice to know something about where they are coming from. Screw Barthes and his stupid “Death of the Author” theory, I need to “know” you. Even if you have a passion about a single subject, and focus an entire blog exclusively on that subject, it is pleasing to understand the origins of your love-affair. Or at least have an inkling.

If I come to your blog, taste a little sample of your genius, crave to explore your essence and click on “About”… There is no greater smack in the face than seeing:

This is an example of a WordPress page, you could edit this to put information about yourself or your site so readers know where you are coming from. You can create as many pages like this one or sub-pages as you like and manage all of your content inside of WordPress..

What are you THINKING? You can’t even be bothered to write anything about yourself? Maybe that in itself says something about you… But it isn’t enough for me.

I know that sometimes people adopt alternative personas online. I think this is perfectly valid and I don’t need to have people explain to me that they are not all they seem. BUT, if somebody is going to construct an online identity, they should at least be consistent. One “About” I came across said this: “I don’t plan on going out of my way to specify which stories are fact, or which are fiction. That will be up to you to figure out – or not.” Well thanks for the warning, I suppose. I don’t want to have to engage with someone and then pick out the random lies, thanks. Even though I sometimes tweak reality a tiny bit, to make better reading… Either I get to know Real You, or Fake You – I don’t have the energy for both.

So that’s it really. If you haven’t written “About” yourself, do it NOW. I’m waiting.

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Six Irritating Lies That (I Assume) Are Supposed To Cheer Us Up.

1) “Diets don’t work”: People love to spout this nonsense (especially fat people) but it just isn’t true. Sensible diets work perfectly well and the effects last for as long as the dieter is willing to continue being sensible. The trouble is, we are surrounded by tasty junk food and so we tend to fall off the wagon. That doesn’t prove anything about diets “not working”, it just proves that pizza tastes better than raw carrot. People who try to convince us that what we eat cannot change our body shape, for any significant length of time, are often walking examples of the opposite – their diets of KFC and cake having inflated them to mammoth proportions for YEARS. So, next time a fat person tells you “diets don’t work” just say “Well yours obviously has, you’re huge”.

2) “Size isn’t important”: Guys…It is. Sorry. Of course, the availability of a satisfyingly large penis isn’t the be all and end all of every sexual encounter (these things are more complex than that) but it really, REALLY, helps and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

3) “Age is just a number”: Nobody wants to believe this more than I do (my partner is a man 22 years my junior) but sadly, age DOES count. Good nutrition, plenty of exercise, and an awareness of current popular culture, can all keep a person vital and interesting but “young”? No. Gravity, hormones and general wear and tear still make a vast difference …Even to someone who is “good for her age”, like me. Plastic surgery can change a person’s appearance but probably only to the extent that they look different to other humans their age (which is not the same as looking young). Believe me, the more time I spend naked with my boyfriend, the less I can imagine surgery making my body as youthful as his. That would take a miracle. Also, I cannot bear people who say things like “I may be fifty but inside I am still the same person I was when I was a teenager!”. Really? To me that smacks of having Special Needs. I mean come ON, surely any normal person would be ashamed not to have moved on emotionally during decades of life experience?

4) “Women find bald men sexy”: No, GAY MEN find bald men sexy. Women might accept a guy being bald if he is built like Vin Diesel, or if he has the charm of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, but generally speaking women like a man with hair.

5) “Love means never having to say you are sorry”: What? I really don’t get this at all. Love is about passion, spending time together, exploring new avenues of communication, forging two lives into one future…And during all that the people involved never hit a situation where one has to apologise to the other? Rubbish. Owning a slave means never having to say you are sorry…Being in love means you’re saying it quite a bit – or sulking until the other person says it (for a change).

6) “What Goes Around, Comes Around”: Two words – Simon Cowell. The guy is an asshole but he seems to be doing pretty well on it. Call me when he is ripped apart by flying monkeys (or some other vile fate) and I will reconsider this “karma” based lie.