Tag Archives: random facts

10 Random Facts About Cockneys

1) To be a proper Cockney, you must have been born in London, within earshot of the Bow Bells.

2) A good old Cockney way of donating money to charity, is via the  Pearly Kings and Queens.

3) Cockneys speak using the increasingly well-known “Rhyming Slang” and also use other unusual phrases, some of which I have translated (for Americans) HERE.

4) Cockneys eat many delicious traditional foods (they might call it “luvverly grub”), such as “Bangers and Mash”, “Tripe and Onions”, “Steak and Kidney Pie”, “Pie Mash and Liquor (gravy)”, “Jellied Eels”, “Winkles” and, of course, “Fish and Chips”.

5) In the Old Days, Cockneys would be too poor to go on a real holiday – so instead they would go Hop Picking, in Kent. Hops are used to make beer and Londoners loved working in the fields for the Summer, staying in huts and drawing a small wage. Their kids got plenty of fresh air too, away from “The Smoke”. See this short film on YouTube.

6) When it comes to having fun, Cockneys like nothing better than a good old Knees up. Which is pretty much a session of drunken dancing.

7) Back in the 1950s and 1960s, the East End of London, (where Cockneys live) was run by gangsters such as The Kray Twins.

8) Performers Chas & Dave are famous for their slightly more modern take on Cockney style music, which they (rather distressingly, to my mind) call “Rockney”.

9) Cockneys are often called “chirpy” because of their irrepressible sense of humour, in the face of poverty and hardship.

10) Because the Cockney accent sounds cool and hard, actors (or posh kids) often try to copy it. This is normally a mistake, as it is very difficult to imitate and accidentally coming out with a “Mockney” accent is shameful.

40 Amazing Random Facts About Me

Here is a list of amazing, fascinating and possibly sometimes disturbing, facts about me. In no particular order:

  1. I have absolutely no sense of smell.
  2. I once had a huge Bartholin’s cyst, in my vagina. The operation that cured it was called a marsupialisation. I was seven months pregnant at the time.
  3. I am allergic to courgettes (zucchini).
  4. I used to rescue unwanted and abandoned pet rats. Sadly, I have cats now (also rescues).
  5. I can ski, if a little slowly.
  6. I can crew a yacht and a catamaran.
  7. I can’t drive though.
  8. My boyfriend is only two months older than my oldest son.
  9. I can spread my toes like an ape.
  10. My Dad was cremated wearing a Victorian costume.
  11. I once levitated, in front of a very religious old Greek lady – and she started crossing herself , in horror.
  12. As a child I slept almost motionless, because I was afraid that the teddies in my bed would get suffocated.
  13. I could read before I started school.
  14. I survived a hideous car crash (in Florida), with minor injuries. People who came to help us thought we would be dead.
  15. The first baby I gave birth to weighed ten pounds.
  16. I have “double-jointed” fingers.
  17. I’ve performed stand-up comedy at about 80 gigs.
  18. I once held a man’s hand while he died.
  19. I lost my virginity, aged 21, on my (first) wedding night.
  20. When I was 12, I secretly sprinkled itching powder on my Maths teacher’s head. It didn’t work though.
  21. Despite dating a few hippies, I have never tried a single illegal drug.
  22. I once slid 100 yards along an icy road on my arse, along with my (crashed) moped.
  23. I have never had sex with anyone older than me.
  24. I have climbed several (small) mountains and some sea cliffs.
  25. As an adult, my weight has fluctuated by about 60 pounds, over the years.
  26. BBC Radio 4 once paid me to talk about the Oscars.
  27. One night, I had to change into a nurse’s uniform (for a comedy gig) in a tiny dressing room – full of male comedians, who were all reading pornographic magazines.
  28. I am partly Jewish, partly Irish and I think there is a hint of Gypsy in my past too. All of these “parts” are quite far back though.
  29. I know how to change a colostomy bag and have, several times.
  30. My first son talked very early and by two and a half years old, I had taught him the art of sarcasm.
  31. I have owned two dogs but I have NEVER been able to control one. Dogs laugh in my face, because I am too nice. I win though, because they’re both dead now.
  32. I am left-handed, left-footed, my left tit is bigger than the right one and my left armpit gets hairier.
  33. At school, I failed my Cycling Proficiency Test. Twice.
  34. I spent six months as a vegetarian, in the year 2000.
  35. I used to be a practicing Buddhist.
  36. I have flawless control over my gag reflex.
  37. One of the best weeks of my life was spent snowed-in, at home, with an open fire.
  38. All three of my sons are tall, good-looking and funny (thanks to me).
  39. I went to London, on the day of Princess Diana’s funeral. I watched the procession and then the service, on the screens in Hyde Park.
  40. I have no sisters and one (younger) brother who couldn’t be more different to me if he tried.