Tag Archives: romance

Buying A Gift For The Woman you Love

Are you a man? Do you want to buy a gift for the woman you love – but you lack confidence in your judgement? You’ve come to the right place. I don’t want to list the pros and cons of every possible gift on the planet, so instead here are a some pertinent questions you should ask yourself before purchasing anything for her – PLUS some suggestions for gift ideas.

Your gift idea:

Is it something she has specifically asked you to get her?  Yes? Buy it then! Only a man could come here looking for better ideas than getting the “little lady” what she bloody asked for. Anything I say about gifts from this point onward is irrelevant if she has ASKED for the thing in question.

Is it something you could/would buy for a man?  Don’t buy it for the poor girl then! She is beautiful, desirable, the Queen of your Heart… Her gift should be pretty, feminine and flirty – not a surround sound system that you probably want for yourself. If you want to get her a car though, you can do that! But make it a pink one, or something.

Is it “practical”?  Buying a practical gift for a woman you are supposed to love is a bit like slapping her on the back and suggesting she joins you in a farting contest. In other words, it’s unromantic. Calendars, cruet sets, socks, household appliances – they are all like the kiss of death to love. I married a man who bought me that kind of shit and then I ran off with someone else. See?

Is it traditionally romantic?  By this I mean, is your gift going to be chocolates, flowers, diamonds, a trip to Paris or a fabulous designer handbag? If so, buy away with confidence. Women love gifts that show everyone how much you love them. “He bought me a huge bouquet!” she will tell her friends, “He bought me diamond earrings!” – and you will be the Hero in her personal Chick Flick. Somehow “He bought me a watering can” doesn’t quite compete – even if it is a really expensive one.

Is it personally romantic?  A personally romantic gift is another wonderful idea, that she can enjoy and boast about. My current boyfriend once gave me a framed strip cartoon, that he had drawn himself, telling (in a very sweet and funny way) the story of our love. Right about now any woman reading this will know exactly WHY I ran off with him. Guys, think about your woman and what makes her sigh wistfully and gaze into your eyes. A song? A film? A place? Now buy something to do with that.

Is it connected to sex? If, however, your gift idea is connected to sex in some way (an outfit, sex toys, chocolate body paint) think again. I mean, those would be perfectly good things to buy out of the blue, or possibly for a shared Anniversary… But if you are buying a gift for her Birthday or Christmas, you really should be choosing something specifically for HER and not something that slyly gets you off as a side effect. She isn’t an idiot.

Is it unique? Gifts that are hand-made are very romantic. There are so many struggling artists out there, making beautiful things to buy, and often their wares are very affordable. Choose something pretty and wrap it in tissue and ribbons – What girl could resist? Bear in mind that nothing you can buy from a garage (gas station) forecourt falls into this category.

Does it insult her?  Strange as it may seem, men often buy women gifts that insult them! She doesn’t want clothes in the wrong size (so embarrassing to admit) and clothes that fitted perfectly would be a bit creepy (or is that just me?). She doesn’t want bath products (boring, plus, she doesn’t smell of sweat) and she doesn’t want wrinkle cream. She might like a trip to a Spa but she doesn’t want a coupon for liposuction, or gym membership.  Seriously, diamonds are a better bet.

Well, I hope all that has helped. Feel free to ask questions, or add comments… I’m always open to dialogue.

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Is He Gay?

Singer Ricky Martin has recently come out of the closet and revealed that he is a homosexual – proving once again that it is almost impossible for a single woman to know whether or not she is “barking up the wrong tree”. Are you a single woman? Is the man of your dreams single too? Is there a possibility that he might be interested in you sexually – or is he a “confirmed bachelor” (gay)?

Below I have listed ten categories, with responses about your beau-to-be. Answer them as honestly as possible, add up the results (mostly a’s, b’s or c’s) and find out just how GAY or STRAIGHT he is …Now you can pursue him with your eyes open wide about his sexuality!

 His clothes:
a) Baggy.
b) Tight.
c) Very tight, with an adorable matching scarf.

His eyebrows:
a) Natural.
b) Plucked in the middle (to avoid mono-brow).
c) Totally shaped from middle to ends.

His Mum:
a) He loves her but in small doses.
b) He adores her and likes it when she phones him.
c) They do everything together – he even takes her clubbing.

His female friends are:
a) Either his exes, or his current girlfriend.
b) Pretty girls that he is trying to impress, or old friends.
c) A mixture of pretty girls and terribly ugly girls, all trying to impress HIM.

Cakes:
a) He eats them.
b) He bakes them and eats them.
c) He bakes them but he won’t eat many as they go straight to his hips.

A passing  woman’s clothes:
a) He comments to you, if they are tiny and revealing.
b) He comments to you, if they are smart, or elegant.
c) He comments to you, if they are ugly, unflattering, too small, unfashionable, cheap etc…

Dancing:
a) He only performs dances that can be done whilst holding a beer.
b) He dances quite well, if a pretty girl is dancing too.
c) He loves to dance, very flamboyantly and often with his shirt off.

Cats:
a) He finds them boring but chicks like them, don’t they?
b) He likes them in small doses.
c) He has two – called things like “Troy” and “Audrey”.

Musicals:
a) He finds them boring but chicks like them, don’t they?
b) He likes them in small doses.
c) He loves musicals and usually knows all the words – in fact he has performed in a couple.

Magazines:
a) He likes the ones with cars, guns, naked women, or all three in.
b) He likes them to be funny, or about hobbies.
c) He likes gossip, gossip, gossip. Or  magazines about men’s health/fitness.

Mostly a’s

This man is so straight it hurts. He will certainly date you and no doubt he will try to get into your undies, as soon as he thinks you are drunk enough to want him. Go ahead and make his day! Be warned though that his overt, simplistic masculinity may become boring after a while.

Mostly b’s

Sensitive and deep, secure in his own sexuality and willing to share – this man could well be the man of your dreams. More difficult to snare than Mostly a’s but a better long-term bet. Be prepared for the fact that he may be a little kinky though (being so broad-minded). Custard, dogging and handcuffs could well feature in your near future.

Mostly c’s

Probably a hairdresser, antique dealer, male nurse, or cabin crew member – this man is as gay as a really very homosexual man indeed, watching an episode of “Glee” and wearing a pink cravat. Great as a friend, wonderful fun and probably cute too but don’t hold out any romantic notions (unless you are a bloke).

Of course, some men will fall into more than one category. In that case look at the most obvious trend and follow that. Err on the side of caution, as you don’t want to find out too late that you have fallen for somebody who licks both sides of the stamp. Unless you like that idea.